Biblical Headship: God's Design for Men to Lead in Love | Let's Talk Biblical

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If you love talking about the Bible as
much as I do, then I think you really
enjoy this show. Welcome to Let's Talk
Biblical, the podcast where we dig deep
into the heart of scripture, explore
timeless truths, and have real
conversations about what the Bible says
and how it applies to us. My name is Lex
and I want to thank you for joining me
on today's episode. So, grab your Bible,
get comfortable, and let's talk
biblical.
All right, welcome back. Uh, today we're
going to be talking about biblical
headship as God's design for men to lead
in love. Okay. So that is the title that
I chose for this uh because of how um
how important this topic is and how
important it is for people to understand
what biblical headship really means. Um
and so I know this this is a topic that
is can be controversial. I know it's a
topic that can have a lot of um
uh
oh what's the word there's a lot of
argument about it a lot of striving
about it a lot of different opinions on
this topic um but I think biblical male
headship is very important and I think
we see this throughout the scriptures
and uh I think it's very important for
us to understand what it looks like both
in our home and in the church. Okay. And
so, um, what does the Bible actually say
about men being the head of the home?
What what does that mean? And does it
mean that, um,
and what does it mean for men to be
leaders in the church? Does it mean that
uh, headship is a license to dominate?
That it's a license to dictate to other
people and to tell other people what to
do? um or is it a call to die to our
self and and lead like Messiah does? And
so it um if you've ever wondered about
gender roles or um biblical order or
what headship really looks like, what
what spiritual leadership according to
the Bible looks like, then hopefully
this podcast will be helpful to you. And
so, uh, I want to start by opening up
the Bible. And, uh, we're going to look
in 1 Corinthians 11 and starting at
verse 8.
Says, "For man is not from woman, but
woman from man.
For this reason, the woman ought to have
a symbol of authority over Oh, I'm
sorry, I skipped one. Uh, nor was man
created for the woman, but woman for the
man." Okay. Um
and so right here he is in 1 Corinthians
11 he is talking about um headship and
he's talking about authority and the
context of this is head coverings. Okay.
And so if we go up a little little
earlier, um
let's actually start in verse um
verse three. Okay, we're going to start
verse three, but I I just want to give
you a little context. He's talking about
head coverings and he's using it as a
symbol of authority. But we saw in uh
verses 8 and n that he he is calling to
creation. He's pointing back to
creation. He said that Adam came first
and then Eve. Man was created first and
then woman came from man. And that's the
foundation the the scriptural foundation
of this argument and why he says the
things that he says. Okay. So starting
verse three, I want you to know the head
of every man is Christ. The head of
woman is man. And the head of Christ is
God. Okay. Okay. So, f first thing
first, we need to see he's establishing
that there is order. There is structure.
Um, and and what that order looks like.
And so, God is the head of everything.
Yeshua is the head of the church and and
the head of man. And then the man is the
head of his wife and the head of his
home. Okay? So, that is uh the order we
see here. I want you to know that the
head of every man is Christ. The head of
a woman is man, and the head of Christ
is God. So, he's establishing headship
and he's showing what that should look
like or what that does look like. Um,
he's not saying it should look this way.
He's saying it this is the established
order. Um, and so that's that's
something I want to make sure we
understand is he is saying this is the
established order. This is what God has
established. This is the order God has
set in place. The man is the head of the
wife. Christ is the head of man. And God
is the head of Christ. Okay? Um, and so
this is God's established order, the way
he intends it to look. This is the way
it's it's supposed to look. This is what
it is. Um, it's not that man should be
the head of his wife. It's that man is
the head of his wife. And so the
question is, what kind of a head are
you? What kind of a leader are you? Um,
are you leading well? And you you don't
have the option. You can't say, "Well, I
don't want to be the head. I'll let my
wife be the head." Um, you can't you
can't do that. You're still the head.
you're just not a very good one. Uh if
you're letting your wife lead, if you're
letting your wife be the spiritual
leader in the home, if you're letting
your wife um make all the decisions, if
you're letting your wife be the one who
disciples your kids, if you're you're
letting your wife um do all those things
and she's she's basically taking over
for you because you're not stepping into
your role. You're not being the leader
you're supposed to be. And means you're
being a really bad leader. Means you're
a really poor leader, but you're still
the leader. you're just not leading
well. And so she's having to fill in
where you fall short.
Okay. Um but then we go on and it says,
"Every man praying or prophesying having
his head covered dishonors his head."
Okay. So if if we
um pray or prophesy with our head
covered, we dishonor our head. Well,
what does that mean? Because Christ is
the head of the church, that means we
are dishonoring Christ by covering our
head. Why is he saying this? Um, if you
look at pagan cultures,
um, that was typically what the men
would do is, um, they would cover their
head when they pray or prophesy.
And
even this even crossed over into Judaism
as something that they would do. And in
the Bible, the high priest was commanded
to have a a head covering, but the other
priests were not commanded to cover
their heads. And the other men of Israel
were not commanded to cover their heads.
That's something that they did. And you
see through tradition that the uh the
kipa, the the little skull cap that they
wear on the top of their head, the
beanie, whatever you want to call it,
yamaka, whatever you want to call it, um
that developed
and and what they'll say is it's a way
that they are honoring God by by
covering their head, by putting
something on their head, they're
honoring God. But right here, Paul's
saying if a man prays or prophesies with
his head covered, he's dishonoring his
head.
And so, um, within Christianity, because
of this, that's why most Christians
don't wear hats or any kind of head
covering when they're praying. And so,
like, for example, when you pray, you'll
remove your your ball cap or your cowboy
hat or whatever hat you might have on,
you'll remove it while you pray. Then,
when you're done praying, you can put it
back on. But it's a way of showing honor
to Yeshua, showing honor to Christ. And
so that's why I don't wear a kipa. Um
because it's it's Jewish tradition. It's
not commanded scripture. And because of
what Paul says here, uh the man is not
supposed to cover his head because it's
dishonoring to his head, which is
Christ. That's also why, you know, if I
wear prayer shaw, I don't put it up over
my head. When I wear to lead, I don't
put it up over my head when I pray. I
just leave it on my shoulders. Um
it's because of this verse. It says it's
dishonoring to my head. I don't want to
dishonor my head. I don't want to
dishonor Christ and so I don't cover my
head when I pray or prophesy. Okay. He
says, "Every woman who prays or
prophesies with her head uncovered
dishonors her head for that is one of
the same as if her head were shaved."
Okay. So, this is an interesting one
because it says if she doesn't cover her
head with a cloth, with some sort of a a
head covering, whether that be a prayer
shaw or a handkerchief or some sort of a
a head covering, cloth hat, something.
If she doesn't cover her head when she
prays, it says she might as well be um
shaved, right? It says uh she dishonors
her head, and that's the same as if her
head were shaved. Okay? So if she she
doesn't cover her head when she prays,
she might as well have her head shaved.
What is Paul talking about here? Well,
according to um you know, a lot of
resources that we have about the ancient
world, um often times temple prostitutes
would shave their heads and that was a
sign that they were a temple prostitute
is they would have a head a shaved head.
And so it's a dishonoring thing for a
woman to have her head shaved. She was
seen as a prostitute and
um you know and the Bible says that God
gave woman her hair as a glory to her
and so to shave her head is to remove
her glory. And so um he's saying that if
a woman doesn't uh cover her head when
when she prays or when she prophesies
that she's dishonoring her head which in
the and what he just said was her head
is her husband. And so she's dishonoring
her husband, praying or prophesying with
her head uncovered. Um, and that's
that's really interesting. Um, and in
our culture today, it's really hard for
us to wrap our minds around because we
don't live in a culture where uh women
typically wear head coverings. Um, and
you know, you have certain denominations
of Christianity where they do. um
typically very conservative
uh maybe like Pentecostal holiness or
Amish or Menite or something like that
um where you might see women with head
coverings but most Christian
denominations you don't see that um you
see most women going without their head
covered and a lot of this came about
because of uh the feminist movement and
um they were pushing that women should
not be covering their heads because that
is um you know that is a sign of of
submission to their husbands or whatnot.
And that influenced the church and it
caused the church to u back away from
this biblical
uh standard that women should cover
their heads when they pray or prophesy.
And so just as men should remove their
hats when they pray, uh women should put
some sort of a covering up over their
heads when they pray. Uh it doesn't mean
that she has to wear a head covering all
the time though. doesn't mean she has to
wear a head covering 24 hours a day or
all anytime she's out in public, just
when she's praying and just when she's
prophesying. And so, um, which which
also indicates that she, um, is able to
pray and prophesy in church, um, but she
needs to do so with her head covered.
Okay.
Um, then he says, "But every woman
uh, oh, wait, I already read that one.
Uh, for if a woman is not covered, let
her also be shorn. For it is shameful
for a woman to be shorn. For if it is
shameful for a woman to be shorn or
shaved, let her be covered. Okay, so
he's he's saying that um, you know,
because it's shameful for a woman to
have her head shaved, she needs to
remember that and to say, okay, you need
to cover your head when you pray because
it's shameful to pray without your head
covered. And so that's that's the
argument he's making here. And I'm not
I'm not coming in and saying, "Okay, all
women need to cover their head when they
pray." I'm not saying that. That's what
Paul is saying, okay? And he's not
saying uh she needs to have long hair.
And because the context of this is is
implying that she has she has hair, um
but her head is not covered. And it's
the idea of covering her head when she
prays. And so this means that she
wouldn't have to have her head covered
all the time. And so it's talking about
some sort of an extra covering, some
sort of a veil, a scarf, a handkerchief,
a hat, prayer shaw, something um that
she would put up over her head as a
symbol of authority.
Okay? Uh because if if it is shameful
for her head not to be covered, let her
be shaved. Well, that implies she has
hair. And so for her to be shaved means
that they would be removing her hair.
Okay? So it would be shameful for her
her to be shaved and so she should also
cover her hair. Cover her head with a
covering. Okay. Um
for man indeed ought not to cover his
head since he is the image and glory of
God. But woman is the glory of man.
Okay. So man should not cover his head
because he's the image of God. Okay. So
man is not to be covered because he's
the image of God. So we don't cover our
head because God is our head. Christ is
our head and so our head should be
remain uncovered
to bring glory to God. But the head of
woman is man. So she should cover her
head and that brings glory to man.
That's that's the premise of this
argument. Okay?
For man is not from woman but woman from
man. Okay. Now here he's going back to
Genesis and he's saying that God created
man first and then woman came from man.
So he pulled Eve out of man's side, took
a rib from Adam and built Eve and woman
came from man. So he's establishing the
order that God created and this was
created at the foundation of the world
in Genesis. Genesis 1 um Genesis 1 and
two when God created man and then in two
when God created woman from man. Okay?
Nor was man created for the woman but
woman for the man. So now he's saying
even the purpose in Eve was not so that
man would be created to serve her. So
man would be created for her. It was so
that she would be created for man
because it's not good for man to be
alone. So man so God created a helper
suitable for him. So Eve was created for
man.
Okay. So man was created first and then
Eve came from man and Eve was created
for man. Okay. Okay, so he's
establishing the order.
For this reason, the woman ought to have
a symbol of authority on her head
because the angels. Okay, so he's saying
this covering of her head is a symbol of
authority over her head.
Um
and and
uh verse 12, for as man came from as
woman came from man, so also man comes
through woman, but all things are from
God. So a woman gives birth to man. Um,
judge among yourselves. Is it proper for
a woman to pray to God with her head
uncovered?
Does not even nature itself teach you
that if a man has long hair, it's a
dishonor to him? But if a woman has long
hair,
uh, oops, it didn't show up. But if a
woman has long hair, it is a glory to
her, for her hair is given to her for a
covering. Okay. So now he's saying that
even naturally women have longer hair
than men and the woman is supposed to
have longer hair and that shows uh that
is her glory. That is something that
shows her beauty. And a man is not
supposed to have long hair because
that's a very feminine thing for him to
do and that would be a dishonor to him
to make him look feminine. And so um
he's saying it is an honor to a woman to
have long hair. And so women who want to
come along and have short manly
haircuts, um that's a dishonor to you to
cut your hair short like a man. Um
you're you're you're cutting off your
glory according to the Bible. And so uh
biblically, women are supposed to have
long hair and it is a glory to to to you
as a woman. And men, you're not supposed
to have long hair. You're supposed to
have shorter hair. You're supposed to
have a man's haircut. Women are supposed
to have a women's haircut. Men are
supposed to have a men's haircut. And I
know um throughout culture there's a lot
of um different things that you might
argue that culturally in this you know
in certain cultures men might have long
hair whereas other cultures men might
have short hair. Um
but without getting into a whole lot of
cultural debate about this I I I just
want to stick with what does the Bible
say and it says that a man should have
short hair or shorter hair than women.
Um, and a woman should have long hair or
longer hair than men. And so a man with
shoulderlength hair might be a long
haircut for a man, but it would still be
shorter than a woman's long hair that
would go down past her shoulders. And so
that argument can be made. Um whereas a
woman who has a a bob haircut where her
hair is maybe just down to her chin or
her eyes or you know something short
like that um well that's a very uh
masculine type of cut is a very short
haircut. Um, and that is not becoming of
a woman.
And that's plays into a lot of the
gender confusion we see in the world
today where we have men dressing and
acting and trying to be women and we
have women dressing and acting and
trying to be men. Um, and the thing is
you can't um you can't. Even if you do
surgery, you can surgically change your
physical appearance,
but that doesn't make you change your
gender. A man is still a man and a woman
is still a woman. It's in your DNA.
It's in your chromosomes.
And so even if you mutilate your body
and destroy the evidence of your gender,
it doesn't change your gender. And even
if you change your appearance and the
way you look, the way you dress, the way
you talk, the way you do your hair, it
doesn't change your gender. You are
still a man or a woman the way you were
born with the chromosomes you were born
with. And I know that's controversial in
the world we live in. Um, but the facts
are you can't change your gender.
And I I know I'm getting off topic a
little bit here. Um, but I think it ties
in. Um,
but if anyone seems to be contentious,
we have no such custom, nor do the
churches of God. Okay. So if anybody's
contentious,
uh, we have no such custom. What does he
mean? Is does he mean we don't have a
custom of uh whether you have to wear
head covering or not? Or does he mean we
don't have a custom of allowing people
to be contentious about this? And I you
know this is one of those verses that
what is he what is he really trying to
convey here? I I personally lean towards
we don't allow contention about this
topic is what I think he's saying
because he's very much establishing
this is how it should be. Men should not
cover their heads when they pray. Women
should cover their heads when they pray.
And this is laid out in scripture as the
man is the head. Man came first.
And so I believe he is establishing
custom there. And then he says if anyone
seems to be contentious about this, we
don't have a custom.
I think he's saying we don't have a
custom about allowing contention on
these matters. If someone wants to be
contentious about this, say, "Okay, well
go someplace else. we're not going to
tolerate this contention. And that's
what the church should have done in the
early 1900s with the feminist movement
and women's lib and and you know the
burn in the bras and all that nonsense
that they did. Uh what the church should
have said is well we don't allow for
women to be contentious about this. So
if you're going to be here these are the
uh establishments of what proper
behavior for a woman should be. and a
woman uh should not pray or prophesy
with her head uncovered. And so if you
want to be a part of this community,
that is our custom. That's that's really
what the church should have done. But
instead, they bowed down to the world
and they said, "Well, you know, it's
it's not um
it's not acceptable
anymore for women to be forced to wear
head coverings, and women don't like
that. And so we want to cater to them
and do what pleases them. And so we'll
let them get rid of their head coverings
and no longer cover their head. But if
you look at Christianity up until that
point, women wore head coverings all
throughout the ages.
Um, and you know, I mean, even you look
at Little House on the Prairie and you
see what the women are wearing a head
covering. they have something a bonnet
on their head and that was standard
u in culture.
Women wore head coverings and it was a
symbol of authority.
Okay. Um
and so but God created man first. He
created Adam first and then he formed
Eve as a helper suitable for him. And
but this isn't about value. Okay? This
isn't saying that men are more valuable
than women. That's not the point of
this. That's not what it's saying. Women
and men are valuable. They have equal
value in the eyes of God. God loves them
both equally. Okay? They have equal
worth. Uh but it gives us distinct
roles. And so men have one role, women
have another role. And we see this all
throughout our makeup, how God has
designed us. Um you you look at men and
you say, "Okay, uh men
go to the store and get some groceries.
for your family. He will take the list
and like a hunter, he will go and he
will get the things on the list. Okay, I
need milk, I need eggs, I need bread, um
I need, you know, meat, I need whatever.
Like he goes down the list, he gets he
gets the stuff he needs and then he goes
and checks out and he's out of there.
Women,
uh they are not hunters, they are more
gatherers, they are more um nurturers,
they are more they they like to shop,
right? And so typically women will go to
the store and they have a list and
they'll they'll get all the things on
their list, but they also have a bunch
of other stuff that they get that may
not have been on the list because they
see it and they're like, "Oh, this is so
pretty. Oh, this is so cute. Oh, my my
son will like this or my daughter like
this. My husband will like this." And
they're they they start gathering other
things and putting in the basket as
well. Um, you look at how children play.
Boys tend to be more rough. They are
aggressive. They like to tumble and
fight and uh play rough and they get
scuffed up and scraped and um they play
hard and they get dirty and they um you
know they get hurt and they are okay
with that and that's part of being a
boy. Girls tend to be more um
they they sit when they play more often.
They will sit and play with dolls or
they will sit and play with their toys.
They're not as active as boys. They um
girls will also um you know and I know
this is a broad I'm painting a broad
picture here, but and and I know that
there are exceptions to to what I'm
saying. You know, there are exceptions.
Some boys are not as rough and and some
girls are more rough. I get that. But
I'm just saying in general um you know
you have have this picture of of girls
who uh they play with the dolls and the
tea parties and and things like that.
They play house, they play mother, they
have a baby doll that they want to
cuddle and uh you know they have um you
know they change the diapers and they
have little bottles that they feed them
and and they're nurturers.
Uh whereas boys are aggressive and
active and they they're hunting and
they're fighting and they're um
destroying stuff, you know, they like to
they like to get something and just
smack it against something else just
just to beat it up. They have they have
built-in aggression and um they they
have a destructive force in them um and
that it serves a good purpose, right?
And so, you know, you have a boy who who
takes a hammer and he goes out and he
just starts smacking the tree with it
and just knocking the bark off the tree.
Why? Because he's a boy. You don't
typically see girls do that. That's
something. But you will see a boy do
that. Um, you know, it's it's just part
of being a boy. And we have, you know,
you look at at how our hormones
function. uh when you know when kids are
little before puberty
their the hormones are pretty pretty
similar right but then they hit puberty
and all of a sudden men uh boys who hit
puberty they they start getting facial
hair and hair in other places in the
body uh the voice gets deeper uh their
muscles explode even if they're not
exercising they just get huge they grow
in height they they get wider and
thicker and and broader her. And you
know, last year you have a boy who
hadn't hit puberty yet and he's skinny
and scrawny and looks very much like his
sister or the girl he goes to school
with. Uh is as far as phys physical
frame, but as soon as he hits puberty,
he grows 6 in and he puts on 40 lbs of
muscle. And that that's how God designed
us to be. God designed men different
than women. Okay? But it doesn't mean
they have different value or different
worth. We're just different. We have
different roles. We have different
functions. Men are supposed to be
providers and protectors. And so we need
muscle. We need strength to go and hunt
and to fight uh invaders and to to
protect our home, right? And so if a
bear comes into our home, we we have
muscles so that we can fight back and
defend our home against against this
invader, whether it be an animal or
whether it be another human.
That's how God designed men is to be
strong and protect the family. Um that's
part of our role as leaders is to be
strong and protect our family. Uh but
women also have value. It's not that
they have less value. They have equal
value, but it's different. Their role is
different. Women uh their role is the
nurturer, the caregiver. You know, when
the kid um scrapes his knee or her knee,
they go to mom and mom fixes him up. She
bandages the wounds. She washes and
cleans the wound and she bandages it.
They don't go to dad and say, "Oh, dad,
I scraped my knee. Will you uh you know,
will you clean it up and bandage it?"
Unless mom's not there. If mom's there,
they go to mom. But if dad, you know, if
mom's not there, then they they'll go to
dad. But mom is the primary caregiver.
She's the one who gives care to the
family.
Um she's also the one who tends to be
the one who uh prepares the meals and
feeds the family. Whereas the man is the
one who hunts the meal and you know so
they're both providing uh for their
family but in different ways. They have
equal value in the eyes of God and they
have equal value and worth in the family
in the home but they have different
roles. And that's something that we've
got to make sure we understand is it
just having a different role doesn't
mean you have lesser value. Okay? Um man
is the head. That doesn't mean he has
more value.
And and so I want to make sure that's
clear before we go on any further is
that man doesn't have more value being
the head. Okay? He just has a different
role.
Um both men and women are made in the
image of God and uh they have equal
worth in the eyes of God and they have
equal value and worth in the home. Okay.
Um but being that we are both imitators
of God, Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5
that we are supposed to be imitators of
God. Okay?
And this is the beginning of his uh
chapter where he talks about um the
roles of men and women. But he starts
off this chapter by telling us to be
imitators of God. So he says Ephesians
5:1, "Therefore be imitators of God as
dear children."
Okay? So he's giving us uh the standard
here of uh we are all children of God
and we should all be imitators of God.
Okay? Um
and then
uh so we both need to be imagebearers of
God. We both bear God's image. We both
need to represent God's image. And so we
need to make it our aim in life in
everything we do to imitate God, to
imitate Christ. Okay? That that's our
goal is to be imitators of God. And so
husbands, as the husband of the home,
you need to be imitators of God as a
husband. wives. As wives in the home, as
as as mothers and wives, you need to be
imitators of God in your family.
And what that looks like for a man is
different than what that looks like for
a woman.
But the the goal in this is to establish
that men are imitating God in their role
as husbands and fathers and women are
imitating God in their roles as wives
and mothers,
but their roles are different. Okay.
Um, headship was God's idea before the
fall. I've heard people argue that the
fall is what caused um this headship
thing to to happen. And I actually want
to jump over to Genesis
chapter 3.
Um, and so we see, you know, the serpent
shows up and, you know, he's cunning and
and um he's talking to Eve and um
after they the Lord heard the sound uh
they heard the sound of God walking in
the garden and they hid. Um God said,
"Where are you? Um who told you that you
were naked? Have you eaten of the tree?
I told you not to." Um and then man,
Adam said, "The woman you gave me to be
with me. She gave me the tree of the
tree and I ate it."
Um and God said, you know, to the woman,
"What have you done?" And she said, "The
serpent deceived me and I ate." And the
God said, "The serpent, because you have
done this, you are cursed more than all
the cattle, more than all every beast of
the field. Uh on your belly should go,
and you shall eat dust all the days of
your life.
I hope immity be between you and the
woman, between your seat and hers. Um,
and she shall uh bruise your head, and
you shall bruise his heel. To the woman,
he said, I will greatly multiply your
sorrow and conception, pain, child
birth. Um, and your desire shall be for
your husband, and he shall rule over
you. Okay, so this verse right here is
the one I was looking for. Okay, he
says, "Your desire shall be for your
husband, and he shall rule over you."
Okay. What does that mean? He shall rule
over you. He shall have authority over
you. So people look at this and they
say, okay, this is when male headship
was established was this is because of
sin, because of the fall and God
established headship here. No, Paul does
not point us to this verse and say this
is why headship exists. Paul does not
say that. He says headship exists
because Adam was created first. So he
says headsup was created at at the
beginning when God created Adam first
and then Eve from Adam and Eve for Adam.
That's when headship was established
according to the Bible. But when people
come along and they say this is this is
where headship happens is that uh her
desires for her husband her husband will
rule over her and they say this is a
curse and the biblical male headship is
a curse and that's what they're trying
to say here. That is not what this verse
says. And I want to show you something
in chapter 4 that's very interesting.
Um and this is about um
Cain and Abel, right?
Um
and
so we have Cain and Abel bringing their
offerings and Abel was accepted by God.
Um and Cain was angry.
And he says this, and this is the same
type of wording that we just saw. He
says, "If you do well," God is talking
to Cain. He says, "If you do well, will
you not be accepted? And if you do not
do well, sin lies at the door and its
desire is for you, but you should rule
over it." Okay? So, he's now he's saying
sin's desire is for Cain, but Cain
should rule over sin.
Okay?
Sin's desire is to dominate. Sin's
desire is to control. Sin's desire is to
take over. Sin's desire is to um enslave
Cain
to make him a servant of slave, a
servant of sin. But Cain, God tells
Cain, "You should rule over it. Don't
let sin rule you. You rule it." Okay?
The same wording that we saw in Genesis
3. Her desire is for her husband, but he
shall rule over her.
Sin's desire is for you, but you shall
rule over it. It's the exact same
formula.
And so what he's saying in Genesis 3 is
her desire will be be to lead. Part of
the curse is her desire is that she
would want to lead. She would want to be
in charge. She would want to take over.
That's sin.
Okay? Sin's desire is for you. Sin's
desires to take over. Sin's desire to
lead. Sin's desire is to dominate you.
So what he's doing here is he's showing
us what sin is. And sin is sin is
wanting to conquer you. Sin is wanting
to dominate you. This is what happened
with feminism. Women rose up and said,
"I am going to be the head of my house.
I'm going to lead. I'm going to take
charge. I'm going to dominate. I'm going
to rule over my husband. I'm going to be
the president of my company. I'm going
to be the the leader of my my company.
I'm going to be a congregational leader
in my church.
That is sin rising up and causing women
to want to dominate men.
Sin's desires for you. And and part of
the curse, it says your desire will be
for your husband.
Right? It's the same concept. And then
he says, but you should rule over it.
You should rule over sin. and that the
husband should would rule over the wife.
Okay? And so the wife's desire to
dominate her husband, the wife's desire
to rule her husband is sin. It's the
same thing.
But the man should control sin in the
same way the man should not allow the
woman to lead him. Okay?
I know that this is
concept that probably people right now
are struggling with. People listening to
this right now are probably
struggling with that because it goes
counter to what you've been told. It's
contrary to what feminism has tried to
teach us and and tried to teach women
especially. Uh but this is what the
Bible says. Okay.
Um,
headship was God's idea before the fall.
The fall didn't cause headship. Headship
happened at creation. God created Adam
first and then woman for Adam from Adam.
The fall is woman's desire to dominate
man. The the curse of the fall is that
woman would want to dominate, that woman
would want to lead.
Um, but God says it's not going to
happen. Man is still going to be the
head. Man is still going to lead. Um,
sin didn't create headship. Sin
corrupted headship.
Okay? And re redemption doesn't erase
headship.
Uh, it restores it to its original
beauty. And I I've heard people say this
kind of stuff and especially women
teachers within this movement. Women in
the in the Torah keeping messianic
Hebrew roots type movement. women
teachers will come in and say that the
fall is where biblical headship started,
where male headship started, and because
of redemption, because of our salvation,
we're no longer under that headship.
That is absolutely a lie from the devil.
Because when you read the New Testament,
that is written by Christians who
believe in the salvation of Yeshua. They
are redeemed by Yeshua. They are walking
in holiness, walking in the power of the
Holy Spirit, inspired by the Holy
Spirit. And they write things like u man
is the head of the wife and women should
submit to their husbands and women
should not lead or teach in church.
Those are written by Holy Spiritfilled
apostles
who who followed Yeshua.
And so you can't say that redemption
cancels that out. But I have heard that
absurd claim by women teachers
in this movement.
Turn them off. Stop listening to their
nonsense. They are spewing out lies, not
biblical truth. Okay? Um and so I I want
us to look at Yeshua as the model of
headship. What does headship look like
according to Yeshua? And so we're going
to go back to Ephesians now.
Eeesians chapter 5 and we're going to
skip down to verse 23
it says for the husband is the head of
the wife as also Christ is the head of
the church and he is the savior of the
body. Okay so he doesn't say Christ
should be the head of the church. He
said Christ is the head of the church.
Likewise he didn't say the husband
should be the head of the wife. He says
the husband is the head of the wife.
Okay? He's stating facts. He's not
giving us um
options. He's stating facts. The husband
is the head of the wife. Plain and
simple. If you're a husband, you are the
head of your wife according to the
Bible. Now, are you a good head or a bad
head? Now, we're going to read through
Ephesians and find out if you're a good
head or a bad head. Okay? But this tells
us men that our aim in marriage is to
model Christlike behavior towards our
wives. Okay? Our goal as men, as
husbands, is to model Christlike
behavior towards our wives. That should
be our goal. That is what headship looks
like is modeling Christlike behavior
towards our wives. Okay. Now, uh the
next um Paul tells us
um what this type of headship looks
like. Okay? In verse 25, he says,
"Husbands, love your wives just as
Christ also loved the church and gave
himself for her." Okay? So, we see here
that headship is not about control.
It's about sacrifice.
Um it's about being a servant. Yeshua
Yeshua said, "I came to serve, not to be
served." And so, if we're going to
follow his example, we need to be
servant leaders, leaders who serve our
families. Um,
and so, the first thing I want to point
out is when Yeshua washed his disciples
feet, okay? He he he got down on his
knees, he wrapped himself in a towel,
and he washed their feet.
And many of them were like, "Wait a
minute. I I don't want you to wash my
feet. Peter especially vocalized that. I
don't want you to wash my feet. And he
said, if I don't wash you, you have no
part with me.
And so part of the husband's role is
washing the wife, washing the bride. And
we see this in Ephesians 5. And so just
as uh Yeshua washes and cleanses his
bride with the water of the word, we are
also supposed to do the same thing. And
so um
verse 26 it says that he might sanctify
and cleanse her with the washing of
water by the word that he might present
to her to himself a glorious church not
having spot or wrinkle or any such thing
but that she should be holy and without
blemish. So husbands ought to love their
wives as their own bodies. He who loves
his wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but
nourishes and cherishes it just as the
Lord does the church.
For we are members of his body, of his
flesh, and of his bones. Okay? So, um
he's saying that we are to wash our
wives.
Okay? Husbands ought to love their own
wives as their own bodies. He who loves
his own wife loves himself. But he's
saying that
um Yeshua washed his bride. He washed
and cleansed her, sanctified her by the
washing of the water of the word. And so
husbands ought to also love their wives
in like manner.
Um and so husbands, we need to make it a
priority to wash our wives in the water
of the word.
Okay. So what does that mean? It means
that we are constantly speaking the word
of God to our wives. We are teaching the
word of God to our wives. We are leading
our wives in Bible study. We are leading
our wives in disciplehip. We are leading
our wives in her walk with the Lord.
Okay? We are washing her in the water of
the word to make her a godly wife.
Yeshua wants a holy bride and we should
want holy brides as well. Holy wives as
well. And so to to have a holy wife, we
need holy godly men to lead their their
wives. And so if you want a holy wife,
you need to lead your wife in godly
ways. Lead her in prayer. Lead her in
Bible study. Lead her in the word. Wash
her in the word.
And we do this by following Yeshua and
leading according to his example. Okay?
Loving your wife as Christ loved the
church is the standard for male
headship. Okay, I I want to say again,
loving your wife as Christ loved the
church is the standard for male
headship.
All right, what that means
is that headship is about loving your
wife. That's what biblical male headship
is about. Is about loving your wife as
Christ loved the church.
And if you are not loving your wife the
way Christ loved the church, then you
are not modeling biblical male headship.
Okay? If you're not doing it in love,
you're not doing it right.
And so love should be the motivation.
Love should be the outcome. Love should
be um the guiding factor in how you lead
your family. And so if you're not doing
it in love, then you're doing it wrong.
You're not leading well. Um, it's not
about bossing her around or making her
your servant,
okay? It's the opposite. It's about you
being her servant. It's about you
serving her. It's about you being
willing to get on your knees and wash
her feet.
Okay? Um, you know, this is
Yeshua led by example and he said, "I
came to serve." And he said, "Go and do
likewise." He he told us to be servants
as well. He said, "If you want to be
great, become a servant.
You want to be a great leader, be a
servant. That's what Yeshua said. And
so, if we want to be good leaders in our
home, we need to be servants in our
home. Um, and so I want to read John 13.
This is where Yeshua washed the
disciples feet.
And I want to start at verse 13. I want
you to listen to what Yeshua said when
he washed their feet. You call me
teacher and lord and you say well for so
I am. Okay. So again uh he is the head,
he is the lord. He is the master. And he
he confirms that. He says yes I am. He
says if if then I your lord and teacher
have washed your feet, you also ought to
wash one another's feet.
For I have given you an example that you
should do as I have done to you.
Most assurely, I say to you, a servant
is not greater than his master, nor is
he who is sent greater than he who sent
him.
If you know these things, blessed are
you if you do them.
Okay? So, he says, "I'm your Lord and
Master and I'm washing your feet and you
need to do likewise.
you need to follow my example. Do what I
have done. And so does this mean that we
literally need to wash our wives feet.
Maybe maybe it does. Um I, you know, I
would encourage you husbands,
it's not a bad idea to wash your wife's
feet once in a while. Surprise her with
it. um you know, have a romantic dinner
and get down on your knees and wash her
feet and massage her feet.
It's a beautiful gesture of love to your
wife.
I I'm telling you, I I think that she
would really appreciate that and really
like that. But
that doesn't mean you have to wash your
feet every day. Doesn't mean you have to
wash your feet
regularly all the time. But it's not a
bad idea to do it at least once in a
while, you know, on a special occasion
to to really be romantic. It would be an
amazing uh gesture of love.
And so, just put that, make a note of
that and stick it in your pocket and
say, "This is something I'm going to do
sometime." Surprise her with it. Um
but more than that, more than just
washing our feet literally, okay, it
means that we need to have a posture
towards our wives of that of a servant.
Okay. Um we need to posture oursel
towards our wives as that of a servant.
How can I help you?
What do you need from me?
What can I do for you? That needs to be
our attitude towards our wives.
Um, and so you know, you see your wife
stressed and you go turn, you say,
"What's wrong? How can I help you? What
are you stressed about? What can I do to
help?" That's an attitude of I want to
serve. I want to help. Um,
you know, your wife is busy doing the
dishes and you come up and you say,
"Hey, can I help you? Can I can I dry
the dishes? You wash, I dry. Um, can I
help put them away?" You know, whatever.
um you know the wife your wife is making
dinner and you say hey how can I help
how can I help you with dinner what do
you need what can I do that's an
attitude of service
you are you are making yourself
available to her as a servant and Yeshua
said we're if we want to lead well we
need to be servants
if you want to be a a good leader you
need to be a good servant
and so as husbands we need to lead by
example we need to serve and lead
through service. Um, that's what
biblical headship should look like. It's
not about dominating your wife. It's not
about commanding and barking orders at
her and telling her what to do.
That's that's the way the world sees
headship. That's the way the world looks
at headship. Um, that's not the way the
Bible portrays headship. That's not the
way Yeshua portrayed headship. Remember,
Yeshua is the head of the church. How
did he lead the church? He gave his life
for her.
Okay? He poured himself out into death
for her
to save her, to wash her, to cleanse
her.
Our We should do the same for our wives.
We should be willing to do whatever it
takes for our wife. And you know,
sometimes that means fighting for your
marriage.
You know, men, if you're in a marriage
that's not going well, you need to fight
for your marriage.
Um, do what it takes
to to get your marriage in order, to
save your marriage, to save your wife.
Okay? Many people mistakenly think that
headship is a privileged position,
but that is worldly thinking. Okay? Many
people think that being the head is a
privileged position. It's like I'm the
CEO of my home.
I'm the president of my home and
everybody just does what I say. That's
not what it's about. Headship is is
about responsibility.
It means you bear the responsibility of
what happens in your home. You bear the
responsibility of whether your kids grow
up to love God or if they
run away and and become uh heathen. You
bear that responsibility as the husband,
as the head. You bear the responsibility
of your of your wife whether she is
happy and joyful and loves the Lord and
is content in her marriage and in her
home. You bear that responsibility. If
she is miserable and um depressed and
hates life, you bear that
responsibility.
Okay. Um,
biblical headship is a call to lead
spiritually, to protect, to provide, to
love, and to discipline with compassion.
Okay? To to lead spiritually,
to protect, to provide, to love, and to
discipline. And all that is done with
love and compassion.
Okay? Leading spiritually. A godly man
prays, teaches, uh, he prays for his
family. He teaches the word to his
family and he shepherds his home. Okay?
Uh just as your pastor is responsible
for for shephering the church, you as
the head are responsible for shephering
your home. And so it means you set the
tone. You set the standard. Um do you
pray before meals? Do you pray before
bed? Do you pray with your family in the
morning? Um do you lead your family in
Bible study? Do you teach your family
the word? Do you give um you know
disciple uh uh not what's the word?
Do you give teachings to your children?
Biblical teachings to your children? Do
you uh do you disciple them? Do you um
do devotionals? That's the word I was
looking for. Do do devotionals with your
kids? Um you don't have to come up with
sermons, but teach them.
take take everyday situations and use
that as a as a a way to teach them,
you know, um
as you're playing with them and they
have questions, answer their questions
and show point them to scripture. When
you're disciplining them, explain why
what they did was wrong. And if it's
something you can show them a scripture,
show them a scripture
um and teach them scripture throughout
throughout the day. in in you know
everything you say and do to them you
can use as ways to teach them and to
model Christlike behavior to them. Um
you know you can use examples from
everyday life as teaching examples to
point them to Yeshua. And so you lead
spiritually in your home. Um you protect
your your family like a shepherd
guarding the sheep. um you defend your
family from spiritual and physical harm.
Okay? So most most men, most husbands
understand that protecting your family
from physical harm. You know, if a an
invader comes in the house, most men are
going to be the one to to stand up and
defend their home. Whether that means
grabbing a gun or whether that means
calling the police or uh grabbing your
family and getting them out of the house
to safety, um you know, they they
understand that's their responsibility.
whatever, you know, whatever the
situation calls for, they know what to
do. But what does it mean to protect
them spiritually?
Okay. Are you guarding the eyes of your
children from things they shouldn't see?
Are you guarding the ears of your
children from things they shouldn't
hear? Are you protecting them? Are you
protecting your wife and her eyes and
her ears from things she shouldn't see
or hear? Are you protecting them
spiritually? Are you praying over your
home? Are you praying over your wife and
your kids, protecting them from the
attack of the enemy? Spiritually
protecting them, covering them in your
prayers. Um, you know, protecting your
home is more than just being willing to
fight off
uh physical enemy. You're you're you're
also supposed to be fighting off
spiritual enemies. Okay.
Uh the next thing is to provide.
Uh the Bible says, "If a man doesn't
provide for his home, he is denied the
faith." I want to show you that verse
because this is important. First Timothy
uh verse five uh chapter 5 verse 8.
But if anyone does not provide for his
own and especially for those of his
household, he has denied the faith and
is worse than an unbeliever. Okay, this
is this is something that a lot of men
need to realize.
Men, if you are lazy and you're not
providing for your home, it says you're
worse than an unbeliever.
You need to be providing for your home.
Okay? You need to go out and earn a
living. You need to go out and work and
and figure out how to provide and take
care of your family. Don't leave that to
your wife. That is your responsibility
as the man. Now, you know, maybe there's
a scenario where, you know, you you have
no arms and you have no legs
and um you don't have a way to go out
and work a job. That's a possibility.
But if you have arms and legs, if you
have the ability to work, you you don't
have an excuse. You need to do you need
to work. You need to provide for your
home. Okay? If you are not providing for
your home and and you know you're just
being lazy,
it says you're worse than an worse than
an unbeliever.
Okay?
This is this is an attack on your faith.
It's saying you don't have faith in God.
You are not a godly man. You are not a
believer. You are not a follower of
Yeshua if you are not providing for your
family. That's what it's saying here.
You're worse than an unbeliever.
Okay? So, uh, I I don't want to hear
excuses.
You, if you are a husband, if you're a
father, you have a responsibility to
provide for your family.
Okay? You lost your job. Find another
one.
Okay? Get, you know, work somewhere. Get
a job at McDonald's flipping burgers.
Get get a job at Walmart sacking
groceries.
Get a job somewhere. Do something.
get a job. You can't you can't be lazy.
You can't not provide for your family.
If you are not providing for your
family, you are not
you're not even a believer according to
the Bible. You're worse than an
unbeliever.
Okay? You need to provide for your
family. That should be a priority. If
you're a husband and a father, that
should be your priority in life. Provide
for your home. Okay?
Uh, next thing I want to look at is
love. Biblical headship is about love.
And um,
it's it's not just emotional
and it's not conditional.
Okay, that's something you got to
understand is it's the kind of love that
is is beyond condition. You love your
wife unconditionally. You love your kids
unconditionally. And it's not just
emotional. It's not just I feel good
about her right now. I feel in love with
her. It is a sacrificial love. And
if you heard that song, old song by DC
Talk in the 90s, it says love is a verb.
Okay, that's that's what I want you to
remember. Love is a verb. It's something
you do. It's how you treat that person.
It's what you do to them. Are you doing
loving things to that person?
Are you showing kindness and compassion
to them? Or are you cruel? Are you mean?
Are you hateful? Are you spiteful? Are
you um are you hurting them? Okay. And
so, we're supposed to walk in love. Love
is long-suffering. The Bible says love
is patient. It endures hardship. It
endures hard things.
Loving them even when it's hard, even
when it's difficult, you love them
anyway.
Um, and remember the kind of love that
Yeshua has for the church is sacrificial
love. It's he loves so much he gave his
own life for us. Um
and even when his disciples rejected
him, denied him, ran away,
the people who the crowds who were
previously chanting hosana, hosana in
the highest, you know, the Messiah's
arrived and following him around by the
thousands are now yelling, "Crucify him!
Crucify him."
He said, "Forgive them."
Okay, we need to have that kind of love
towards our wife and our kids. Even when
they hurt us, we need to say, "Forgive
them. I forgive them. Father, forgive
them."
Being willing to forgive those who hurt
us. That's the kind of love that
headship requires.
That's biblical headship is loving so
much that you forgive them when they
hurt you.
Even if they didn't ask for it.
Remember, they didn't ask Yeshua for
forgiveness when he was hanging on the
cross and he said, "Forgive them for
they do not know what they do." They
weren't asking for forgiveness. They
were asking for his his blood. They were
asking for him to be crucified. He said,
"Forgive them anyway." That's the kind
of forgiveness we need to have is that
we forgive even when they don't ask for
it.
Even when they don't deserve it,
we forgive them anyway. That's the kind
of sacrificial love that we're supposed
to have.
Um, it's easy to love when they love us,
right? It's easy to love love someone
else who loves us. Yeshua talked about
this. He says, you know, uh, the pagans,
they they can love somebody when when
people love them back. He says, I want
you to love your enemies. It's one thing
to love your friends. It's something
else to love your enemies. This shows us
the kind of love that God wants us to
have. It's love
that loves even when we they don't love
us.
Okay. When someone hates you, you love
them anyway.
That's the kind of love we're supposed
to have. That's biblical headship. That
is what the kind of love that a husband
and a father are supposed to have for
his family. Loving no matter what.
Um, and we're supposed to discipline
with compassion. Okay? Life uh uh like a
father trains a child in love, not in
anger. Okay? So we're supposed to
discipline in love, not in an anger.
We're supposed to discipline in
compassion, not in an anger. Okay? And
along with discipline is disciplehip.
We're supposed to disciple them. And
disciplehip is about teaching them the
right way to go.
Um
and so again, this isn't about being a
dictator. It's about being a servant
leader under divine authority.
All right. And now I want to talk about
headship in the church. And um we're
going to start in 1 Timothy chapter 2.
Uh but I know this topic is a little
controversial
and um there's a lot of people in the
world today and a lot of people in the
church today who are opposed to biblical
headship in the church, which doesn't
make sense.
Um how can you claim to be following God
if you're not following his instructions
about headship?
Okay. But let's let's go to 1 Timothy
2:12. It says, "And I do not permit a
woman to teach or to have authority over
a man, but to be in silence.
For Adam was formed first, then Eve."
And Adam was not deceived, but the woman
being deceived fell into transgression.
Okay. So here we see Paul saying, I do
not permit a woman to teach or to have
authority. Okay? I do not permit a woman
to teach or have authority over man, but
to be in silence. Okay? So this this is
you can see this both in the home and in
the church. The woman is not to to have
authority over the man in the home and
the woman is not to have authority over
men in the church.
The man is supposed to be the head of
the home and men are supposed to be in
leadership in the church. They're
supposed to be the teachers and the
leaders in the church. Um, and again, he
went to Adam and Eve for Adam was formed
first, then Eve. Okay? He's going to
creation is saying this is God's created
order according to scripture.
Okay? It's rooted in in creation, not in
culture.
And unfortunately, we live in a world
where culture is dictating to the church
what is supposed to happen. And so,
according to our culture, we're supposed
to allow women to be pastors. We're
supposed to allow women to be teachers.
We're supposed to allow women to have
authority in the church according to the
culture, according to feminist mind,
feminist mentality, feminist mindset.
You know, they want a fe a woman
president. They want women CEOs. They
want women in charge of the churches.
This is this is a Jezebel spirit. This a
Jezebel mindset. The woman to dominate
man and to put man under her foot.
That's a Jezebel mindset. And we can't
allow that kind of thing in our church.
You can't allow women to be pastors in
your church. And churches who allow
women to be pastors um steer clear
because they're not following scripture.
they're not walking according to God's
word.
We see that um in chapter 3, he's
talking about elders and um
elders and deacons and leadership in the
church. Um but notice that it's always
men. It's men that are the leaders. Men
are the elders. Men are the deacons. And
um
they're to have godly wives, though.
Okay. So uh we say here this is a
faithful saying if man desires the
position of bishop which is another word
for elder he desires a good work.
A bishop then must be blameless. The
husband of one wife. Okay so notice he
is a husband. Um a wife is not a bishop.
A wife is not an elder. The husband is
the elder. The husband is the bishop.
And he has a he's a husband of one wife.
temperate, soberminded, of good
behavior, hospitable, able to teach, not
given to wine, not violent, not greedy
for money, but gentle, not quarrelome,
not covetous, one who rules his own
house well, having his children in
submission with all reverence. Okay, so
we see that he is a husband and a father
who manages his house well. He rules it
well. He is a good overseer of his home.
Or if a man does not know how to rule
his own house, how will he how will he
care for the church of God?
Okay, if if he doesn't know how to take
care of his own family, if he doesn't
know how to govern his own home,
how is he going to lead the church? If
he can't lead his own home, how can he
lead the church? And so having your
house in order is extremely important
for you to be a leader in the church.
also says he is not to be a novice less
being puffed up with pride he fall into
the same condemnation as the devil.
Okay, he's not to be a new believer.
He's not to be a novice. Um and this is
something we see oftentimes is people um
they're new believers, they come to
faith, they have a great zeal, a great
passion for God and for his word and
they, you know, somebody says, "Hey, you
need to be a teacher." And they start
sticking them in the pulpit. Or they
start a YouTube channel and they say,
"Hey, I'm going to I'm going to become
an online teacher." and they start
teaching start teaching.
They're new believers. They they're
brand new Christians and they're out
there trying to teach other people.
That's that's out of order.
They they they're not ready to be
teachers yet.
And you know, I often go to the the
parable of the I mean, not the parable,
but the the the commandment concerning
the fruit trees in the Old Testament. He
says, you know, when you plant a fruit
tree, the first three years you're not
to eat of his fruit. The fourth year you
dedicate it to God and the fifth year
you can eat of his fruit. And so, you
know, you look at someone becoming a
teacher,
they shouldn't be teaching for the first
four years at least
at the very minimum.
you know, they they should be Christians
for at least four or five years before
they would ever be considered
allowed to teach because they're not
going to be putting off good fruit.
Okay? And and so the idea you can't be a
novice, you can't be a new believer. You
can't be new to the faith. Um because
you're going to get puffed up with
pride. If you if you're new to the faith
and you get a position as a teacher or
leader, elder, deacon, whatever, um
you're going to get full of pride.
you're going to get all puffed up
because you haven't gone through the
right process to humble you, to make you
a man of God so that he can use you in
in leadership and in ministry.
Um, also, you know, notice he says that
they're supposed to be the husband of
one wife.
Um, if if you're not a husband,
how are you going to be able to lead the
church? You don't know how to lead your
home. Part of learning how to to be a
good leader in the church is to learn
how to be a good leader in your home.
This is where the Catholic Church gets
it all wrong. Um they make their their
priests and their um nuns celibate and
they make them take a vow of celibacy.
And so all their bishops and their
priests and their uh highranking people
in the church, they they're not married.
They don't have wives. They don't have
kids. Well, how in the world are they
supposed to lead the church if they
can't lead their own home? They have no
home. They have no family. They have no
wife, no children. How can they be
expected to be good leaders in the
church?
You you have to have that training
ground. Being a good leader in your
home, learning how to to manage your
home well, learning how to be a good
husband and a good father so that then
you can learn know how to manage and and
govern the church.
And so this is it's important. It's not
just that he's the husband of only one
wife, but it's the he's the husband of
of one wife. that he has a wife.
Somebody who's single, who's never had a
wife, I would never consider for
position as an elder in the church.
He's he's not qualified.
He doesn't have a wife. He doesn't have
a family. He doesn't know how to manage
his house. All he can do is manage
himself.
He needs a wife. And and that godly wife
will help balance him out and temper him
and make him a godly man who can lead
well. And so that godly wife is very
important
to have a godly elder, to have a godly
deacon, to go have a godly pastor. He
needs a godly wife. And godly women are
very important in this in this scenario.
Um you you know you look at Proverbs 31
where he talks about a a a virtuous wife
and what it says in there is that a
virtuous wife her husband is seated
among the elders of the city and he is
well known but it's a credit to her as
being a virtuous wife that her husband
is well known in the city as an elder is
because he has a virtuous wife. If you
don't have a virtuous wife how can you
expect to be an elder?
Okay, we see similar um
similar thing in Titus. Titus chapter 1
and we'll start in verse five.
Okay, for this reason I left you in that
you should set in order the things that
are lacking and appoint elders in every
city as I commanded you. Okay, so he's
telling Titus to set things in order.
Again, it's about order, godly order. Uh
God God is not a god of chaos. He's a
god of order. Satan is the one who
brings about chaos. God brings about
order.
And uh to appoint elders in every city.
Okay? So part of bringing order in the
church is by appointing elders. And then
he goes on, he says, 'If a man is
blameless, if a man, not if a woman, if
a man is blameless, the husband of one
wife, having faithful children, not
accused of dissipation or
insubordination. Okay, so he's a man. He
has a wife and he has children and he
has raised his children well and they
are disciplined and they walk uprightly.
They are not uh accused of dissipation
or insubordination. They're they're not
insubordinate. They're not rebellious
children. Okay?
For a bishop must be blameless, a hus a
a steward of God, not self-willed, not
quick-tempered, not given to whine, not
violent, not greedy for money. Okay? So
here he says he's a steward. He's a
steward of God. He's a steward of what
God has given. Just as a husband is a
steward of the wife and children he's
been given, then an elder in the church
is a steward of the church, of the
people that God has given him. And so he
must know how to rule his home well and
be a good steward in his home first
before he can be a good steward in the
church.
hospitable, a a lover of what is good,
soberminded, just, holy,
self-controlled,
holding fast the faithful word as he has
been taught, that he might be able by
sound doctrine both to exhort and
convict those who contradict.
Okay. Um,
so an elder is to be a man and a husband
and a father who manages his house well,
whose children are not insubordinate.
His children are not rebellious. That
means he's a good leader. He leads well.
He leads in a way that they want to
follow him. They're not rebellious
against him because he's a servant
leader. He's a loving leader. He's a
leader who is kind to his family and
they love him for it and they want to
follow him. That's the kind of leader
that we should be as men. Whether you're
a husband or whether you're a leader in
the church, that's the kind of
leadership God wants from us.
And when men lead biblically, the church
thrives.
When men lead biblically, the church
does well. But when men abdicate that
role, confusion takes over. Because you
don't have godly order, you have chaos.
When men are not leading in the home,
you have chaos. When men are not leading
in the church, you have chaos. But when
godly men are leading the way God has
designed, you have godly order.
Um
and I want to talk about the fruit of
headship. Okay. Uh when men embrace the
role as spiritual heads, marriages are
strengthened, children are disciplined,
uh churches are protected, and society
is stabilized. Those are the fruits of
godly headship, biblical headship. But
when headship is abused, it leads to
tyranny. Okay? When when when
people lead inappropriately,
when they abuse their leadership role,
then you have tyranny. And when headship
is abandoned,
you have chaos. Okay? So just as when uh
a a man leaves his wife and he divorces
his wife or he abandons her, you know,
whether he gets her pregnant, leaves her
a to be a single mother to raise the
kids or whether he divorces her and and
goes off and marries somebody else. In
either case, that home is left in chaos.
The wife is left to try to do both
roles. She's she's got to be provider
and caregiver now because she has no
husband. And so she's having to fill in
the husband's role to be the provider
and she's having to fill in still do her
role as the caregiver.
That's a chaotic home. But when the man
is there to be the provider, then the
woman can do her role as a as the
caregiver.
And you you have order in the home. You
don't have chaos.
Same thing with the church. When women
are trying to lead the church, you have
chaos.
But when godly men are leading the the
church the way God has designed, you
have godly order. But if you have a man
who is leading inappropriately, then you
have tyranny.
And so there's this fine line that you
have to walk for godly headship to to
exist.
Um, and biblical male headship is not
about status. It's about service. Again,
it's about how you can serve. And it's
not about getting your way. It's about
walking in God's ways.
Okay? Even when it costs you, even when
it cost you everything, do it God's way.
God's way is the right way. Um it's not
about getting your way. It's about doing
things God's way.
Um, and we don't get to rewrite the
Bible to fit our modern culture, our
modern society, our modern way of
thinking. You can't rewrite the Bible to
fit your ideas. Uh, we need to take the
Bible and apply it in our culture and
our context and and use biblical
principles to govern our lives.
Um, and so, you know, back to 1
Corinthians 11, the the head of every
man is Christ, and the head of a woman
is man, the head of Christ is God. So,
the head of woman is man. According to
the Bible, the head of man is Christ.
Um,
you are a steward, man. You are a
steward of what God has given you. You
are a steward of the wife that God has
given you, and you are a steward of the
children God has given you. Are you a
good steward or are you a bad steward?
If you lead well, meaning you provide,
protect, love, and discipline your
family as a shepherd,
uh then you do well and you're pleasing
to God. But if you don't lead well, if
you don't provide for the family, if you
don't protect them, if you don't love
them, and if you don't discipline them,
then you are a bad steward of what God
has given you.
and you'll bear the responsibility
of leading them astray.
Okay? So if if if you uh if you are not
leading your children well and they grow
up and they become atheists, they grow
up and they hate God, they grow up and
they leave the church, they grow up and
they become uh heathens and criminals,
they grow up and they
um they become for fornicators and
promiscuous. They grow up and they
become drug dealers or drug users. They
grow up and they become alcoholics. They
grow up and they become um abusers of
something some some way.
You You didn't do your job.
You didn't raise them well.
And you're responsible.
You, the husband, you are responsible
for your wayward child.
you you are responsible for them
not following the Lord because you
didn't lead well. You bear that
responsibility.
Okay? So, right now, you need to be
praying for your kids and training your
kids in righteousness because you're
going to be responsible.
Uh, you know, wo, woe to him who leads
one of these little ones astray, the
Bible says. And so, you don't want to be
responsible for leading them astray. uh
you need to be responsible for leading
them in the right direction.
Um and so you know I know at this point
there's wives asking what if my husband
is not a godly man? Let's look at the
other side of the coin. Now the Bible
actually speaks about this in 1
Corinthians chapter 7
and we're going to go to verse 13.
Oops, there it is. And a woman who has a
husband who does not believe,
if he is willing to live with her, let
her not divorce him. Okay? So, first
off, if you have a husband who is not a
believer,
you're not supposed to divorce him. If
he's willing to stay with you, you
should stay with him. That's according
to the Bible. Okay? So, you don't
divorce him just because he's not a
believer.
And here's the why. Okay. For the
husband believing h for the unbelieving
husband is sanctified by the wife and
the unbelieving wife is sanctified by
the husband. Otherwise, your children
would be unclean.
But now they're holy. So now he's given
both examples. If you have an
unbelieving wife,
the husband sanctifies the wife. And if
you have an unbelieving husband, the
wife sanctifies the husband. Okay? So
something about you being a believer,
whether you're the husband or the wife,
you being a believer can bring
sanctification to your home. And it says
otherwise your children would been be
unclean. If you divorce them, your
children become unclean.
But if you stay married to the
unbeliever, your children remain clean.
Why? Because you have that influence in
their life.
You're there to teach them righteousness
and you show them in and model godly
marriage.
Uh but if the unbeliever departs, let
them depart. A brother or sister is not
under bondage in such cases. But God has
called us to peace. So if you're married
to an unbeliever and they want to they
want to divorce you, they want to get
out, that's fine. That's one thing. You
know, if they want to leave, let them
leave. But if they're willing to stay
married to you, then you need to be
willing to stay married to them. And he
goes on and he says, "For how do you
know, oh wife, whether you will save
your husband?" Or, "How do you know, oh
husband, whether you will save your
wife?"
Okay, so
here we have this question.
You're married to an unbeliever
and you say, "Well, I don't want to be
married to an unbeliever. I want to be
married to a believer.
He says, "Well, how do you know whether
or not you will save them?" By your
righteousness, by your godly behavior,
by your faith,
living out your life in front of them
every day, showing them what it means to
be
showing them what it means to be a
believer, to walk in faith, to be a
child of God. Your influence on them
could have a major impact on their life.
and you could cause them to become saved
because of your faithfulness to God and
your faithfulness to your unbelieving
husband or wife.
Okay? Wives are commanded to stay with
their unbelieving husband even uh
they're commanded to stay with their
unbelieving husband if he is willing to
stay married to her. Okay. Um
but it says a couple interesting things.
Says the children remain holy.
um if you get uh children remain holy if
you remain married but if you get
divorced the children become unclean and
second it says it challenges the wife by
saying how do you know a wife whether
you will save your husband okay so a
godly wife has the potential to save her
husband
and a godly wife has the potential to
keep her family
in order to keep her family holy
okay to keep her family clean,
undefiled.
You have that option. But but it's up to
you whether you stay married or not.
Because if you get divorced, it says
your your children are no longer clean
and your house is no longer holy.
Okay? Um but if you stay married, your
husband might get saved. But if you
divorce him, you you no longer have
influence on him getting saved.
Um
so how does she do this? She does it by
simply living a godly life of faith and
her godly example can bring conviction
to her husband. And now I want to go to
first Peter. First Peter talks about
this also.
1 Peter chapter 3 and starting verse
one.
Wives likewise be submissive to your own
husbands that even if some do not obey
the word they without a word may be won
by the conduct of their wives.
when they observe your chasteed conduct
accompanied by fear.
Do not let your adorement merely be
outward arranging the hair, wearing of
gold, or putting on fine apparel.
Rather, let it be hidden in the hidden
person of the heart, with the
incorruptible beauty of a gentle and
quiet spirit, which is very precious in
the sight of God. For in this manner, in
former times, the holy women who trusted
in God also adorned themselves, being
submissive to their own husbands.
And Sarah as Sarah obeyed Abraham
calling him Lord whose daughters you are
if you do good and are not afraid with
any terror.
Okay. Um
and so here we see uh Peter's
instructing wives to be submissive to
their husbands
even if their husband does not believe
or obey the word of God. Now that's
that's an interesting statement. Wives,
be submissive to your husbands even if
they're not obeying God.
That's that's a hard thing to say. And I
know many wives are like, "Well, but
what if what if what if
I don't think he's saying you need to
disobey God in order to obey your
husband?" Like, I don't think he's
saying um well, if your husband's
telling you you have to break the
Sabbath,
you should break the Sabbath. I don't
think that's what he's saying. You honor
God first.
and you obey God first. But if
submitting to your husband does not mean
disobeying God, then submit to your
husband.
But you know, when it comes to things
like um you know, if your husband's
telling you to break the Sabbath or your
husband's telling you to do something
contrary to the word of God, you would
stand up and say, "No, I'm sorry. I
can't do that. I have to obey God. I
love you and and I want to follow you,
but I have to obey God.
This is what God says I'm supposed to
do. said, "This is what I'm going to
do." And I think that's appropriate. I
don't think he's saying uh bow down and
obey your husbands no matter what. I
think he's saying be submissive to your
husbands, but you still are responsible
to obey God. Um God is your your top
priority authority. And you think about
in the military um you know if you have
different ranking officers
and so if you have a commander who gives
you one thing to do but then the general
comes in and gives you something else to
do you would obey the general
in opposition to the commander right and
you would you would tell the commander
hey I'm sorry I can't do this because
the general told me to do this instead
okay because he has authority he ranks
and higher authority.
And so you would come in and you say,
"I'm sorry. The general has given me a
greater command than what you have."
Same thing with your husband. You know,
you you you submit to your husband
unless it contradicts what God is saying
in his word. And then you would say,
"I'm sorry. I can't I can't do this what
you're asking me to do because God's
word says this, and according to God's
word, I have to do this. And I I obey
him because he is a higher authority
than you."
Um but it says that the husband might be
one by the conduct of his godly wife.
And um well that the conduct of his wife
is what? Living according to God's word.
And so her her godly conduct is her
living according to God's word. So you
know it doesn't it doesn't mean you have
to obey your husband contrary to God's
word. You are still living your conduct
is according to God's word. So you have
godly conduct and that is how you win
your husband.
Um
and it's interesting he gives an example
of women of old, holy women who trusted
God and were submissive to their
husbands. And then he listed Sarah
specifically and he said Sarah called
Abraham Lord and obeyed him. And I know
that a lot of women right now are
cringing at the idea of calling your
husband Lord.
Um,
but this is scripture
and scripture says this is godly. This
is what a godly wife looks like. She
submits to her husband and she calls him
Lord and she obeys him. Um, and I didn't
come up with this. God did. Right? So,
let me go back there again.
Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord
whose daughters you are if you do good
and are not afraid with any terror.
Okay.
um
doing following Sarah's example is
portrayed as a godly thing to do.
Um
now the husbands don't you you don't get
off super easy with this though. I want
to point now to what Peter says to the
husbands.
He says, "Husbands, likewise dwell with
them with understanding, giving honor to
the wife as to the weaker vessel and as
being heirs together of the grace of God
that your prayers may not be hindered."
Okay, so um he says, "Dwell with them
with understanding, giving honor to your
wife." Okay, this this is important
because he says, "If you don't do this,
your prayers are going to be hindered.
If you don't understand your wife and
give honor to your wife, your prayers
are hindered. Um, now I can't tell you
how many times during marriage
counseling,
the wife will say something along the
lines of, "My husband just doesn't
understand me."
Or, "My husband doesn't listen to me.
Why? Why? Why is your wife coming to me
saying you don't understand her or you
aren't listening to her?
As a husband, you should make it a
priority to listen to your wife and to
understand her to try to figure out what
she's saying. And maybe that means
asking questions. You know, she says
something and you say, "Well, what do
you mean by that? Help me understand you
better. What are you dealing with? Help
me understand what you're struggling
with. Why? Why are you feeling this way?
Help me understand.
And seek to understand her.
Okay. If you can seek to understand her,
I I would bet that most of the conflict
you feel in your marriage is because you
didn't understand her.
And you know, if you guys can work
through those things and you can come to
a place where you understand your wife
and you honor her, um
things are going to go a lot easier, a
lot better, a lot smoother. You guys are
going to have a better marriage because
of it. And so husbands, um you need to
make a priority to understand your wife.
Um but you know, when when a wife says
your husband doesn't listen to her or he
doesn't understand her, this tells me a
couple things. Um, first it could be
that the wife is not communicating well.
Maybe he doesn't understand her because
she's just not communicating well. Um,
the second option is that the husband is
not listening or trying to understand.
So, she may be trying to communicate but
he's not listening and he's not trying
to understand. He just it's in one ear
and not the other. Um, and sometimes
both are possible and you know in many
cases both are happening. Um, but I want
to place the burden on the husband. And
I think the Bible here is placing the
burden on the husband. It says husbands
dwell with them with understanding,
giving honor to the wife. Um, and so the
the the burden is placed on the husband
to find understanding, to seek
understanding. If if your wife is trying
to communicate with you and you're not
understanding her, then seek to
understand her. Try to figure out what
she's saying. Ask her questions.
help her to, you know, ask her to
clarify.
Um, give her examples and say, "Do you
mean this?" No. Okay. What do you mean?
Whatever you need to do, figure out how
to communicate with your wife so that
you can understand her and so that she
can understand you. And give her honor.
Don't belittle her.
Don't make her feel dumb. Don't make her
feel lesser. Give her honor. give her
respect
and understand her. Have an
understanding about what she's going
through, what she's thinking, what she's
feeling. Um, understand her side of you,
her perspective, her opinion.
Um, you know, if you notice something's
bothering your wife, it's your
responsibility to ask her what's
bothering you.
If she seems down and depressed and sad,
you it's your responsibility to ask her
and say, "What's wrong? What are are you
sad about something? Are you upset about
something? It's your responsibility as
the husband to seek to understand her.
Um,
and you know, wives
when he asks you be honest with him. You
know, so many times a husband's like,
"What's wrong?" And she's like, "Oh,
nothing. I'm fine."
That's not helpful.
He's trying to help you. Help him. Help
him help you. He asks you what's wrong,
tell him what's wrong.
Um,
you know, that's how communication
works.
And so often
problems in marriage is because people
don't communicate.
And so, husbands, you need to dwell with
your wife with understanding, seeking to
understand them and honor them.
Otherwise, your prayers are hindered.
Why are your prayers hindered? Because
if you're not willing to listen to your
wife and understand her, why should God
listen to you? Why should God hear your
prayers if you're not hearing your wife?
But this is about order, not chaos.
Um, biblical headship is about order in
the home, not chaos. It's about peace in
the home, not strife. If you're seeking
to understand each other, you're seeking
to communicate, you're seeking to um
uh reconcile, you're you're seeking
forgiveness, you're loving, those are
the things that you do to nurture and
cultivate a godly home. Those bring
order, those bring peace.
um when you're arguing and you're
fighting and you're yelling and you're
calling names and you're belittling and
you're slandering and you're um hurting
them in different ways whether
physically or uh verbally.
Uh whe when you are um not seeking
understanding, when you are just seeking
to uh speak over whatever they're saying
and let yourself be heard without
understanding them, you're creating
chaos.
Um, godly headship is about love and
compassion and self-sacrifice.
It's not about lording over someone as a
dictator. And remember what Yeshua said
to the disciples about leadership. I
want to turn to Matthew
chapter 20
and we're going to look at verse 25.
But Jesus called them to himself and
said, "You know that the rulers of the
Gentiles lord it over them, and those
who are great exercise authority over
them.
Yet it shall not be so among you. But
whoever wants to become great among you,
let him be your servant.
And whoever desires to be first among
you, let him be your slave."
Just as the son of man did not come to
be served but to serve and to give his
life as a ransom for many.
Okay. Um here we see Yeshua again giving
us the example of servantthood, serving,
being willing to sacrifice, being
willing to lay down our life for the one
we love. That's what godly leadership
looks like.
Um,
being a godly leader according to Yeshua
is about sacrifice and serving.
Um, and as men, we need to understand
this. Um, it's not about telling your
wife what to do. It's about serving her,
loving her, and leading her as you
follow Yeshua.
Biblical male headship is part of God's
divine order. It brings order in the
chaos.
Um, it's a reflection of the
relationship between Messiah and his
bride. Having a godly biblical marriage
is a reflection of God's relationship to
his people as as the bride and and the
groom. Yeshua is the groom and we are
his bride. And marriage is supposed to
be a reflection of that. And so our
marriage should be a reflection of that.
And so husbands should love the way
Christ loved and the church should serve
and and um submit to
uh the the wife should serve and submit
to her husband the way the church serves
and submits to Christ. And so it should
be a beautiful picture of our
relationship with God. And when it's
done right, it is beautiful. Um
unfortunately,
so many times it's not done right.
When lived out in humility, it becomes a
picture of love, strength, and
leadership that blesses everyone it
touches.
Okay? godly biblical headship
is is a picture of love, strength, and
leadership that blesses everyone
involved.
Okay? And if it's not if it's not
modeling love
um and it's not blessing those involved,
maybe you're doing something wrong and
you need to re reevaluate.
But men, we need to step up and lead our
homes the way Yeshua
uh calls us to lead. Okay? Okay. And
this means you need to shepherd your
family. You need to serve your wife. You
need to guard uh guard your own purity
as well as the purity of your home. You
need to teach your children raising them
up in the word of God, discipling them
and instructing them in righteousness.
And you need to do all this in the
spirit of love and servantthood. Okay?
Uh because after all, you're a servant
of the most high God.
Um,
our wives don't need passive men or
power- hungry men. Right? Think about
that. Wives don't want passive men. They
want they don't want lazy men. They
don't want men who are apathetic. They
don't want men who are disconnected and
uninvolved. That's not what the wife
wants. They they don't want men who are
um just going to uh cower and
um hide and and act weak.
But they don't want men who are power-
hungry, who want to dominate and rule
and and uh abuse and conquer and uh
dictate.
They want godly men,
men who lead like Yeshua. That's what
your wife wants. That's what your wife
needs.
And you know, I didn't even look to see
what next week was about, but uh let me
look and see what we're doing next week.
And
so next week we are going to be talking
about
um
head coverings and modesty. Okay. So we
touched on head coverings a little bit
today
um just as we're looking at biblical
headship. And then next week we're going
to dive deeper into head coverings and
modesty. And what is what does biblical
modesty look like? And what how should
we be um modeling biblical modesty in
our homes and out in public and in the
church. Um and so hopefully this will be
a uh helpful topic and I hope it's
something that you guys look forward to.
Anyway, um I appreciate you guys
sticking with me. I know tonight was
long. Um it was a lot longer than I
thought it was going to be. I hope the
information tonight was good and helpful
and um anyway, I hope you guys have a
great week and we will uh talk to you
next week. Thanks. Thank you for joining
me on Let's Talk Biblical. If you
enjoyed this episode, then share it with
your friends and keep the conversation
going. Be sure to subscribe so you don't
miss anything. And I look forward to
chatting with you again next week. Until
next time, keep talking biblical.
Shalom.