Biblical Secrets to Being a Godly Husband (Most Men Ignore)| Let's Talk Biblical

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If you love talking about the Bible as
much as I do, then I think you'll really
enjoy this show. Welcome to Let's Talk
Biblical, the podcast where we dig deep
into the heart of scripture, explore
timeless truths, and have real
conversations about what the Bible says
and how it applies to us. My name is Lex
and I want to thank you for joining me
on today's episode. So, grab your Bible,
get comfortable, and let's talk
biblical.
Happy birthday, Amanda.
So, I love you and I am so blessed to
have you as my wife and I just want the
whole world to know. And um anyway, I
hope you have a wonderful birthday and I
love you very much. So, today we are
going to be talking about uh what it is
to be a godly husband.
um talking about the secrets to being a
godly husband. And the problem is most
men ignore these things. So, uh I want
to start by asking the men out here a
question. And the question is, what is
the number one job God gave you as a
husband to do? And I want you to go
ahead and post it in the chat. And I
want to look at those uh comments. So,
just real quick, men, what is the number
one job gave you to do as a husband?
Right.
Waiting for the chat. Okay.
Um,
so I've got I think I've got a lag
between whenever I speak and whenever
people hear it. So I got to give it just
a second to catch up.
Okay. So, Ethan says, "Work for to
provide for his family." Okay.
What's the number one job gig God gave
you as a man? As a husband.
Uh, love my wife like Yeshua loves the
church, even giving my life for her.
Okay.
Anybody else?
Okay, so I've got work for and provide
for family and love my wife like you
sure love the church giving my life for.
Those are the only two comments I've got
so far. Anybody else have any comments?
What is the number one job God gave you
as a husband?
Okay. So, what we've come up with so far
is to work for and provide for his
family and love my wife like you should
love the church. Oh, here's one more.
Love your wife as Christ loved the
church and gave himself for her. Okay,
so we've got a theme here. Um, and and I
think that those things are great and
really important. We're going to touch
on some of those things in this video,
but there's actually some things uh that
we're going to talk about that has not
been mentioned yet, which is great
because that means uh you're going to
you're going to maybe learn something.
So,
um
Okay, beheaded the house. Yep, there's
another one. All right. So,
uh, today we're going to be, uh, talking
about the biblical secret to being a
godly husband and, uh, the kind of man
that your wife respects, that your
children admire, and one that God
approves of. And I I'm saving the most
important one for last. So, you want to
stick around uh because it actually just
might save your marriage. So, first off,
I want to start with God's original
blueprint for husbands. And to do this,
we need to start in Genesis chapter 2.
And we're going to go to verse 18.
And the Lord said, "And the Lord God
said, it is not good that man should be
alone. I will make him a helper
comparable to him." Okay, so God said,
"It's not good for man to be alone. I'm
going to make him a helper."
And this um
this is important to understand is that
God didn't create woman to be your
assistant.
Um she's not your secretary. She's not
your personal assistant. She is your
partner. And um she's supposed to be a a
counterpart, a helpmate, a uh completion
of who you are.
And so God saw that Adam was alone and
he needed somebody to help him. He
needed somebody to be with him. It was
not good for him to be alone. Um so the
woman is created to uh to come beside
the man and to help him to um to bring
fullness to his life. And um Adam was
given the role to love and to protect
and to cherish his wife.
And what we see is that marriage was
designed as a covenant of mutual honor
and unity.
And this means your leadership as a
husband is is not about domination.
Okay? It's about partnership
and and working together in unity. And
God's design is in verse 24. God talks
about how the two will become one. And
so, let's just go and jump over to verse
24.
Therefore, man shall leave his father
and mother and be joined to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh. Okay.
So um God's idea for marriage is that
the two become one that there's a unity
between husband and wife that they're
together as one. And the word used there
is a means a unity. It's the same word
we see when it says here you know the
the schma hero Israel the lord our god
the lord is one. Um and so it's this
idea of a unity and when you think about
how um the godhead works together the
father son and holy spirit are one.
They're unified. They are together and
they have the same goals, the same
purpose, the same mission, uh the same
will. They they partner together and
work together in all things and they
never contradict one another and they
never oppose one another.
It's the same kind of relationship we're
supposed to have with our wife is that
we're always working together. We don't
contradict each other. We don't oppose
each other. We are partners and um on
the same page.
And uh
so being unified with your wife should
be the highest priority in your
marriage. Okay? More than anything else,
your priority should be that you and
your wife are one. And so many times I
see um within marriage that the parents
of the husband or the wife often times
take a priority over the husband or the
wife. And that that shouldn't be um your
husband, you know, men, your wife should
be your priority, not your parents. Um
wives, your husband should be your
priority, not your parents. And so we
got to make sure that parents don't get
in the way. And then also, we see in
marriage a lot of times that the
children take priority over the
marriage. And so, you know, husband and
wife have children. That's great. And
they should uh love their children, take
care of their children, and and uh the
children should be important to them.
But they should not have more priority
than the husband and the wife. And so
the marriage should take top priority.
And often times we see once once kids
get in the mix that the priority towards
your wife is diminished and you don't
make her as much of a priority as you do
the kids or she doesn't make you as much
priority as she does the kids. And you
should make sure that being unified with
your wife is the top priority. Um, and
some of the things I'm going to talk
about today is going to uh
help you become more unified with your
wife. Okay. Um, God made Eve from Adam's
rib. And this is significant because the
rib, the rib cage is what protects the
most important organs. It protects your
heart. It protects your lungs. It
protects your vital organs, the things
that uh you know where life comes from.
And God made Eve from that area um that
protects the vital organs and and
especially the heart. And so when you
think about that's the role of the wife
is she is supposed to protect the heart
of her husband. She is supposed to guard
and protect her husband and preserve his
life. But when we think about a man who
is um you know maybe going to battle or
something, what does he do? He wears a
protective armor over his vital organs
so that he is not damaged. But that that
protective armor is to protect
uh the rib cage as well. And so you know
so for example a police officer may wear
a bulletproof vest or a soldier uh you
know even even long long time ago before
bulletproof vest they would wear like
chain mail or some kind of a leather uh
protective gear that would protect them
from swords and spears and things like
that.
So, it's like an armor. Well, the wife
functions like an armor, but the man
also needs to protect his wife. He needs
to protect his rib cage. And so, he's
got to guard her and protect her also um
so that she can do her job in protecting
him.
And so, now uh Ephesians 5 was mentioned
earlier, and that is actually one of the
first places I want to go.
And so Ephesians 5 is what I would
consider the gold standard um for what
marriage should look like. And we talked
about this uh couple weeks ago when we
talked about a godly wife. And we're
going to look now at the man's role in
that. Um and we're going to look at
verse we're going to start verse 25.
says, "Husbands, love your wives just as
Christ also loved the church and gave
himself for her." Okay, so we see here
that um
the
the comparison that's being made is
Christ's
relationship to his church, Yeshua's
relationship with his church. And that's
the husband's role is to mirror Christ,
to mirror Yeshua in the family, in the
home. And so we have a a huge
responsibility. Okay, it's not um you
know often times people think like well
there's you know so many things that you
know the wife is they're told the wife
is told to submit and things like that
and the husband always gets off easy.
It's it's actually the opposite. Um the
wife gets off easy. The husband is the
one who has bears the responsibility in
the marriage. Um if the marriage
succeeds then the husband uh you know he
he receives credit for that. But if the
marriage fails, the husband is to blame.
And so whatever happens in the marriage,
it falls on the husband. If your
marriage is good, that's that's good.
You know, that means your husband is
leading well. If your marriage is bad,
that's bad. It means that the husband is
not leading well. Okay? But he bears the
responsibility of how the how the the
marriage goes. Um because he's the head.
Okay? Um but the Bible says that you are
called to love your wife as Christ loved
the church. And um this is what I would
say is probably the highest calling a
man can have. And we are called to be
like Christ in our relationship with our
wife.
Okay. Um you know and we look to we look
to Yeshua as he is the example of
everything we need to be as men and
as we see how he interacted with his
with his bride with his church.
That is how we should be towards our
bride and loving and caring for her even
so much that we're willing to give our
own life for her. But you know the thing
is it's easy to say, "Oh yeah, I'd lay
down my life for her. I'd take a bullet
for her. I', you know, I' I'd uh jump in
front of a car
to save her." You know, that's actually
the easy part. That's the thing that men
are like, "Oh, yeah, check. I can do
that. No problem."
Um,
it's it's harder
when you start thinking about what is
what does laying down your life mean?
And we're going to get into that in a
second. But, um, I think men are
sabotaging their marriage. Uh, because
not because they don't care, because
they do care, but it's because they're
looking at it the wrong way. They're
following the wrong blueprint. They're
not doing what God has designed them to
do. And I want to look at verse 28 and
29 real quick. Um,
so husbands ought to love their own
wives as their own bodies. He who loves
his wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but
nourishes and cherishes it just as the
Lord does the church. Okay, so uh
remember in Genesis 2 uh where it says
the two will become one flesh. Okay,
this is this is tying in with that. The
two will become one flesh. And you you
honor your flesh. You nourish your
flesh. You don't starve yourself. You
don't deprive yourself of things that
your body needs. Um you know, if you're
thirsty, you you drink something. If
you're hungry, you eat something. Um you
know what? When when your body needs
something, you give it that thing it
needs. You don't deprive your body
intentionally to try to hurt your body.
Um, now I understand there's times
whenever you say, "Well, I really want a
cookie, but I know it's not good for
me." And so you deprived yourself of
that cookie, even though you really want
it because you know what's best. And
that could be the same kind of scenario,
too, that um, you know, you you see
what's best for your wife and that's
what you do for her. But the the point
is uh, you're not starving yourself of
nutrition, of nourishment.
Why are you maybe I shouldn't say why
are you Some men deprive their wives of
nourishment. They're not they're not
nourishing and cherishing their wives.
Um their wives are starving for love.
They're starving for affection. They're
starving for uh compliments. They're
starving for attention.
And the men are completely oblivious to
it. Um they're starving their wives.
They're not nourishing and cherishing
them.
And so, um, I I want you to ask yourself
a question, men. Is your wife more
secure, more encouraged, and more
radiant because of the way you love her?
Okay. Is she more secure, more
encouraged? Does she feel cherished by
you?
Okay. So, now we're going to go back to
Christ's love is sacrificial.
A man is supposed to be sacrificial in
his love towards his wife. So what does
that mean? Sacri sacrificial love means
that you uh you put down your the
remote, right? You're watching TV and
your wife needs your attention. Are you
going to continue flipping channels and
watching your favorite show or whatever?
Or you going to put down the remote,
turn off the TV, and spend time with
your wife? That prioritizes her over
whatever nonsense you might have been
doing before. uh whatever you might have
been watching, which is more important
to you, the TV show or loving your wife?
Which is more important to you? Um you
know, watching your favorite show or
cherishing and nurturing your wife and
giving her the love and affection that
she needs. Okay, so that is sacrifice.
You are sacrificing your free time.
Okay. What about hobbies? Are you
willing to lay down your hobbies for
your wife? Um you know, you love to go
fishing or golfing or uh you know,
whatever. fill in the blank your
favorite thing to do,
but she needs she needs time. She needs
love. She needs attention. Are you going
to sacrifice your hobby and spend time
with your wife? Are you going to stay
home and and nurture and love and
cherish your wife or are you going to go
play basketball with your buddies? or
you're going to go fishing with your
buddies or play golf with your buddies
or go out in your uh workshop and build
something or you know whatever your
hobby is which is the priority in your
life loving your wife or doing the thing
you enjoy. Okay. Um what about
uh choosing her needs over your own or
her desires over your own? Um, you know,
you you have things that you want and
desire and are uh, you know, trying to
accomplish or whatever.
And is is that more important to you or
is cherishing your wife more important
to you? And so this is where sacrifice
becomes more difficult. Right? Again,
it's easy to say, "Yeah, I'll jump out
in front of the bus or I'll take the
bullet or I'll whatever. I'll I'll
sacrifice my life
to protect her life. That's that's
actually the easy part. It's are you
willing to sacrifice your time, your
desires, your hobbies, your um your
wants, your needs, your whatever, the
things that are important to you. Are
you are you willing to lay those things
down for your wife? That's sacrificial
love. Okay.
Um, and and I'm actually going to say
something that might actually sting a
little bit for some guys. Um, but I
think some men are more faithful to
their job or their ministry than they
are to their wife. And
I I'm saying this from my own personal
experience, okay? I I've been there.
I've I still struggle with that
sometimes because I want to pour my life
into my ministry and it is is very
important to me. Um you know I I've my
my my ministry is my life, right? But I
need to remember that my wife is more
important than my ministry.
My wife takes priority over my ministry.
And so I'm speaking to myself as much as
anybody that I need to make sure I'm not
I'm not getting my priorities out of
order. Um that I'm not putting my
ministry above my wife.
And so we've got to make sure um that
our wife takes the the the the correct
priority in our life. Um ministry is
important, work is important, um
providing for your family is important.
Don't neglect those things.
But remember, don't neglect your wife in
order to accomplish those things either.
Okay? So, you you just got to make sure
that you you're not neglecting your wife
in in your attempts to provide for your
wife, right? Not neglecting your wife in
your attempts to do good for the kingdom
of God. Even
um
the you know the unfortunate thing is
there are there are pastors and
missionaries and evangelists and uh
teachers and all kinds of people doing
ministry and they devote their life to
ministry and their their marriage falls
apart.
Their their life is in shambles. Their
marriage is in shambles because they
spent all their time and focus on
ministry and they they neglect their
family. they neglect their wife. This is
why so many times um pastor's kids are
some of the worst kids too because the
pastor is is so busy spending time
pastoring
that he doesn't spend time with his
family and his and his children resent
him for that and his wife resents him
for that and they end up resenting God
as well because God takes the priority
in their life
um instead of instead of their their
wife and children. And so the the wife
and children end up sometimes resenting
God in the process. And so then they
turn away from the faith because they
see that, you know, God ruined their
their family. God ruined their marriage.
God ruined their childhood. Um and it
wasn't God that did it. It was because
the husband wasn't making family and and
his marriage a priority. And he was
letting other things um he was more
faithful to other things than he was to
his wife. and children.
Um,
and you know, when you think about it,
that's not a successful ministry either,
right? If if you're spending all your
time ministering to everybody else, but
you're not ministering to your family,
you haven't had a successful ministry.
And according to the Bible, you're not
even qualified to be doing ministry. And
so, let's turn to 1 Timothy chapter 3
now.
and verse five,
for if a man does not know how to rule
his own house, how will he take care of
the church of God? Okay, so um and let's
actually
go up one verse to verse four. Uh one
who rules his own house well, having his
children in submission with all
reverence. Um okay so this is this is
talking about um elders right and
they're supposed to be uh you know
bishop is then blameless the husband of
one wife temperate soberminded good
behavior hospitable able to teach not
given to wine not violent not greedy for
money but gentle not quarrelsome not
covetous one who h who rules his own
house well having his children in
submission with all reverence for if a
man does not know how to rule his own
house how will he take care of the
church of God okay so if you're not able
to um to manage your house. If you're
not able to manage uh your family, if
you're not able to minister to your
family
um leading them spiritually and um
caring for them,
you're not qualified to be in ministry.
That is a disqualifier. If you're not
able to to minister to your family,
well, then how do you expect to minister
to God's church? And so, um,
so here's here's how you you avoid this
problem, right? Uh, you need to be
intentional and you need to put up
boundaries, okay? You need to have
intentional boundaries around your time.
You've got to guard your time. You've
got to you got to make sure you dedicate
time to your wife. If you got to medit
make sure you dedicate time to your
family and don't let your work or your
ministry get in the way of your your
family time. Set set time aside and say
this is this is special time. This is
family time. This is guarded. And don't
cross those guards. Don't cross those
lines.
Um, you can you can prioritize your life
and make time for both. You can be a
husband and a father and a full-time at
whatever your job is and still make time
for all of it. You just have to set
boundaries and you have to prioritize
correctly.
Um, you know, establish regular date
nights with your wife and guard that
time. Make sure that is that is special
time that is for you and your wife. You
know, whatever whatever you guys can
agree upon, whether it's weekly or
monthly or or whatever, but set aside
certain time just just for you and your
wife. Um, you know, if you have kids,
get a baby get a babysitter. You need to
find time where you can just spend time
with your wife, be alone with her. And
you know, sometimes that means after the
kids go to bed, you have a date night by
yourself in, you know, up in your room
or something where you just say, you
know, shut the door. Uh we're going to
spend some time together, just you and
me, and and have an in-home date night.
You don't have to go out to a fancy
restaurant to have a date with your
wife. Just having special dedicated set
aart time where you just spend time with
her. Um that is is important and she
will appreciate it.
Um,
and we also need to learn to say no to
things, even if they're good things.
Um, if it conflicts with us being able
to say yes to our wife, okay? If it
conflicts with us being able to spend
time with our wife. Um, and so here's
here's the thing. Marriage is a
covenant,
okay? Covenants are extremely
um extremely valuable. Um, and covenants
require faithfulness.
Okay? So, with with God and Israel, um,
God made a covenant with Israel and he
said that,
you know, they broke the covenant. They
were not faithful to God.
And, you know, Yeshua came and he made a
new covenant with us, but he expects us
to be faithful in that covenant,
faithful to him in that covenant. When
you make a covenant with your wife, um,
you're expected to have faithfulness to
your wife. And that's not just um that's
not just about the the marriage bed
being kept pure. Okay? Being faithful to
your wife is about prioritizing her.
It's about spending time with her. It's
about making her cherished in your life.
You know, you you you make your vows and
it's, you know, to to love, honor, and
to cherish until death do you part.
Okay? It doesn't just it's not just um
forsaking all others and being faithful
only to her, but it's about loving,
honoring, and cherishing her till you
die. And so that covenant faithfulness
is about u making her a priority in your
life
as long as you're as long as you both
shall live. Um,
so then we're going to move on to uh
what it means to be a spiritual leader,
the head of the house. Okay. Um, you
can't be a godly husband if you're not a
godly man, right? Um, you have to have a
relationship with God. You have to be in
a walk with God before you can actually
be a godly man. It's it should be pretty
obvious to be a godly husband. You have
to be a godly man first. So you need to
make sure that um you are prioritizing
your relationship with God. You are
prioritizing spending time with God in
the word, spending time in prayer um and
and
learning letting letting the word
transform your life so that you're more
and more uh becoming transformed into
the image of Yeshua, right? And so um
you know Romans 12, right? do not be
conformed to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of
your mind and that we're washed in the
water of the word and that we are
transformed uh by the word and that the
the truth sets us free and the truth uh
of God's word is is what sanctifies us,
right? And so it is through spending
time in the word that we become godly
men. And as we become godly men, then we
become godly husbands. And as we become
godly husbands, we are able to lead our
family well. And so it's it's important.
You can't be a godly husband if you're
not a godly man. Okay? Um and before you
can love her correctly, you need to be
filled with the love of Christ. You need
to be filled with God's love and you
need to learn his love so that you can
give that to her. Um
and while we're on the topic of love,
the Bible commands us to love,
right? We are um we are commanded to
love our wives. We are commanded to love
our enemies. We are commanded to um to
love our neighbor. Like there's so many
times we are commanded to love
this. This not about a feeling.
Loving your enemy is not having good
positive emotional feelings about your
enemy.
It's about how you treat that person.
And so you treat that that person with
love. So you can love your enemy,
not have a positive, warm, emotional
feeling about the person. So if you can
love your enemy in that way, um then
that helps us better understand what
love looks like. And love is how you
treat that person. And so then you go to
love your neighbor. How do you treat
your neighbor? You love your neighbor.
You do good to your neighbor. to um you
know you you walk out
uh you know what's uh the golden rule
right the golden uh the golden
commandment right that do unto others
you would have them do unto you right
treat other people the way you want to
be treated and so when you understand
that's that's what love looks like then
when you come to your marriage you look
at your wife and you say well how do I
love my wife well the Bible says love
your love your wife as your own body.
You love her as you would your own self,
your own body. And how you you protect
your body, you feed and nourish your
body, you care for your body, and you
want to nurture your wife in the same
kinds of ways. Um because she is yours,
you are hers, you belong together. You
are one. You are unified in in marriage.
You have become one. Now, would you want
would you want your wife
um looking at other men and flirting
with other men and
um you know, having thoughts about other
men? Well, no. You wouldn't want your
wife to do that to you, so don't do that
to her, right? Um, would you want your
wife
um
treating you in disrespectful ways and
talking badly about you to other people
and saying negative things about you to
her friends? No. If you don't want your
wife doing that to you, then why would
you do that to her? Um, you know, this
is this has always been something that's
that has has bothered me is when you get
around people sometimes they get really
careless with how they talk about their
husband or their wife and women, you
know, they start gabbing to their
girlfriends about how horrible their
husband is and what he did and
badmouthing their husband to the other
ladies. That's not appropriate. That's
not okay. But men do the same thing.
They get around a bunch of guys u you
know around the uh coffee pot or the
golf course or you know the the locker
room or whatever and they start yakking
to their buddies and griping and
complaining about their um about their
wife and what a nag she is and how
horrible she is and how she doesn't do
this and doesn't do that.
Stop, you know, don't don't speak badly
about each other.
Um, treat treat your wife the way you
would want to be treated. Treat your
wives, treat your husband the way you
would want to be treated. And whether
they're around or not, at all times,
treat them with the utmost respect,
honoring them, glorifying, and
protecting them.
Um and you know the thing is if you if
you are speaking positively about them
even
when you know even in bad times
um speaking positively about them helps
to shift your attitude towards them in a
positive way. But if you're speaking
negatively about them that actually
forces you to shift in a more negative
way towards them all the time. And so
this is something that I find oftentimes
with with marriages where they are
struggling and they're they're coming
for counsel is that they they don't even
know how to talk nicely about each
other.
They're just, you know, always saying
bad things about each other and that's
all they know how to do is all they
focus on is the negative. They don't
even see the positive anymore. They
don't even remember why they got married
to begin with.
And you know the thing is at one point
in your life you saw that person as the
most valuable person on the planet
so much so that you were willing to
marry them until death do you part. What
changed?
Right? They're still that same most
valuable person on the planet to you.
You just don't realize it anymore.
And you've got to re realign your
thoughts and remember that she is the
wife that God has given you. She is the
wife that you chose. She is the wife
that you have decided to be in covenant
with till death do you part
and the covenant is uh is not to be
broken. And so when people start
throwing around um you know threats of
divorce and and things like that that's
absolutely
absolutely out of place. You you can't
do that. You should never threaten
divorce ever ever in your marriage. Um,
that's the worst thing you can do to to
your wife or your husband is is threaten
divorce. Because what that does is that
destroys trust. Because here's the
thing. When you when you commit to marry
somebody, you say, "I'm going to love,
honor, and cherish this person until
death do its part. And for better, for
worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness
and in and in uh in health, right? No
matter what the sit no matter what the
circumstance, for better or worse, I'm
going to stick with you. No matter how
bad it gets, I'm gonna stick with you.
But the problem with throwing divorce in
is is when things get a little rocky and
you throw divorce in, what you're saying
is I I wasn't really sincere whenever I
said until death to his part. Okay. I
didn't really mean through anything that
I would be committed to you no matter
what. I didn't really mean it because
things are getting rough now and I'm not
sure I'm I'm willing to stick around for
that.
When you say till death do it his part,
you should mean till death do his part.
And don't be willing to get into a
marriage unless you really do mean that.
Um,
and so when things get rocky, that's
when you've got to pull in closer and
you got to say, you know what, I know
things are hard. This is a tough thing
we're going through, but I still love
you. I'm still here for you. And no
matter what, I'm still going to be here
for you.
And and they need to be able to trust
that no matter what happens, you are
there by their side. And if they can
trust that you're there by them side
through the bad stuff,
then how much better are the good days
going to be? If they know that you're
going to be faithful and you're going to
continue to love them even in times when
it's hard, then the good days are even
better.
But if if things get rocky and you start
saying, "Well, you know, maybe I'm going
to call it quits."
Then they can't trust you at all. And
then they they can't tell you about bad
stuff. And then they're afraid to come
to you when things are hard. And it just
causes a bigger divide between you. So
if if there's any advice you ever listen
to about marriage, never never never
never
threaten divorce. When you come to
marriage, you say till death do his part
and that should be the end of it. There
shouldn't be any clauses and whatifs.
It's till death do you part, not until
you change your mind. Not until things
get too tough. not until uh you know
this scenario happens
you be willing to stick with that person
no matter what. That's the commitment
you made in a covenant. Okay. Um
but if you want to start uh but if you
want to have a stronger marriage, you
need to start by strengthening your walk
with the Lord. Okay? I know I got on a
tangent, but I'm getting back to my my
original point. Men need to be godly
men. They need to walk with the Lord.
And um biblical leadership is not like
worldly leadership. So many times people
get it backwards and they think that um
leading is just about making decisions
and making judgments and making rulings
and being in charge and kind of just
telling people what to do. That's not at
all what biblical leading looks like.
And when you think about the way Yeshua
led and the way Yeshua talked about
leadership, it really just flips that
upside down because Yeshua said he
didn't come to be served, he came to
serve.
Okay, think about that and let just let
it blow your mind for a minute.
The God of the universe
came to earth in the form of a human
being born in a womb born of a virgin as
a baby.
He took on human flesh and was went
through human life from birth until
death taking on the form of human
denying himself of his power and
authority and taking time just to walk
on earth as a human. And he didn't come
as a king. He came as a servant. He
didn't come to rule and to dominate and
to conquer. He come he came to lead by
example. And the example he led the the
the example he left to us is that of a
servant.
And he he knelt down and he washed his
disciples feet, right? He um you know he
helped those in need. He he served other
people.
He He ministered to the weak. He healed
the sick.
He got He got in the muck and the mire
with people. He got dirty with them. He
didn't just lord over them and stand
over them and dictate to them what they
should and shouldn't do.
He got right there and with right right
in there with them. And he lived life
with them.
And then on top of all that, to top it
all off, he took our sins on himself and
he bore our burdens on the cross. And he
took our punishment for us. He took the
the beatings and the the chastisement
and the spitting and the insults
and the nails and the thorns.
And he went to the cross.
Why?
Because he loves us.
And that's that's the example of
leadership
that we're supposed to follow. We're
supposed to love the way he does. We're
supposed to lead the way he does. He led
as a servant and he sacrificed his life
to save ours.
Biblical leadership is first and
foremost spiritual leadership. How you
lead your family in the Lord. How you
lead them in the word. How you lead them
in prayer. How you spiritually lead
them, drawing them to God, moving them
towards God, showing them a godly
example. That's what biblical leadership
should look like in your home.
And Joshua 24:15,
Joshua says, "As for me and my house, we
will serve the Lord." And that should be
I I think that should be the motto of
every husband, every father. As for me
and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Okay? That that should be uh you know,
as as the definition of a godly man,
that should be his motto. As for me and
my house, we will serve the Lord. that
your your goal in life is to make sure
that your house, your family, the things
under your authority, the things under
your domain,
that they follow the Lord, that they
serve the Lord, that they prioritize the
Lord in their life. That should be your
goal as a husband and a father
is that your family serves the Lord.
Okay? If if if you just do that, you're
doing great,
right? If you just make sure your family
serves the Lord, you're on the right
track. Um, and the thing is, your wife
should see you as the one who leads the
family in prayer. She should see you as
the one who leads the family in studying
scripture. She should see you as the one
who is pointing
your family to move towards God to the
one who is leading your family in
worship. the one who is is um you know
making sure everybody is seeking the
Lord,
the one who is guarding the hearts and
minds of your children against the
influence of the enemy. Um the one who
is protecting the innocence of your
children from the the the worldly
influences that that may be coming
against them. The one who is training
your children and your wife in
righteousness and holiness. That's the
way your wife should see you is that you
are you are a godly man who is leading
your family in godliness and holiness.
That's that's the way your wife should
see you. Um
and this shouldn't be just on Shabbat,
right? It shouldn't just be on on the
Sabbath when you go to to church. It
should be every day. You know, it's it's
easy to to get up on on Saturday and
say, "Okay, guys, let's go to church.
Are you spending time in the word daily?
Are you spending time in prayer daily?
And are you leading your family?
In the word daily and in prayer daily?
Are you having conversations with your
family about God? Are you looking for
ways to bring God into the into the home
and into the conversation?
Making um making God an everyday
part of of your family's life. That's
that's leading your family spiritually.
Um,
I want to look at Mark chapter 10 now
and skip down to verse 43.
Actually, let's um
verse 42.
But Jesus called them to himself and
said to them, "You know that those who
are considered rulers of the Gentiles
lorded over them, and their great ones
exercise authority over them. Yet it
shall not be so among you. But whoever
desires to become great among you shall
be your servant.
And whoever of you desires to be first
shall be a slave of all.
For even the Son of Man did not come to
be served, but to serve, and to give his
life as a ransom for many." Okay.
And I want I want to focus on this one
here. Verse 44. Whoever desires to be
first shall be slave of all. Um you know
most most men get headship wrong. They
think uh headship means making all the
decisions and expecting their wife just
to follow them without question.
That's not what Yeshua is talking about
here. He says if you want to be first,
if you want to be the leader, you need
to be the servant. You need to be the
slave. You need to be the one doing the
work. You need to be the one serving,
pouring your life out.
Um, it's not it's not you uh the idea
of, you know, like a CEO just telling
everybody else what to do and him just
collecting all the money. It's not the
idea of a general in an army barking
orders at his soldiers and telling them
what to do while he sits back and enjoys
the the the view from afar.
The kind of leadership that God is
talking about is the one who gets gets
in there first, the one who does what
he's expecting every everybody else to
do.
Um, you know, and leads by example and
serves. You know, you're not here as a
head of the as a head of the wife. It's
not your job to make her serve you. It's
your job to serve her.
And that's so backwards, right?
It doesn't make sense. If I'm the head,
why am I serving her? Yeshua said, if
you want to be the head, you want to be
the leader, you need to be the servant.
And so, we need to be asking ourselves
the question, how can I better serve my
wife? How can I better serve my family?
not how can I make them serve me better,
right? How can I force them to obey me?
How can I force them to submit to me?
It's backwards. It's it's not it doesn't
line up with what Yeshua said. Yeshua
said, "If you want to be the leader, you
need to be the servant. You're going to
be first, you need to be last."
And so, as we look at biblical headship,
we need to remember that Yeshua is the
example. And so as Christ loved the
church is the the call, right, to the
husband. But what does that mean? That's
what we're looking at. So has Christ
loved the church means that you're
willing to serve your wife. You're
willing to
give up your desires, your wants, your
will
in order to
take care of her,
to provide for her. You know, here's
another thing. when you talk about
provision is there's men who they're
like, "Well, I I don't want to do that
job because it's beneath me. It's not
something that I want. I want this job.
This is the the prestigious job. This is
the job that has the the glory and the
reputation and and whatever that I
want."
But that's you you're looking at it
again backwards. You're looking at my
desires, my wants, my needs. What you
need to be looking at is what what does
my family need right now? Does my family
need me to go back to school so that I
can get a degree so that I can have this
this other job? or does my family need
me to uh bust tables at a restaurant and
set groceries at a grocery store and
pump gas at a gas station
because they need me to provide for
them. And you know, with the older
generations, people my age and older, I
think we were we were taught that we
understood sometimes you you got to take
the job that you don't want because you
got to provide for your family. But for
younger generations, the people younger
than me, it's it's like something is
missing, something's broken. You don't
get that
that you're you you'd rather
not do anything than do something you
don't want to do.
There's something broken there in you.
Um, you know, I I've seen so many people
in their in their 20s and 30s who
they're they're they don't have a job.
And you ask them, "Why don't you have a
job?" And it's, "Well, you know, I've
I've applied for these jobs, but
nobody's hiring. What jobs did you apply
for?" "Well, this and this and this."
Well, did you know you could flip
burgers at McDonald's and make 10 bucks
an hour? Did you know you could go to
the gas station and run a register,
make, you know, 10 bucks an hour? Did
you know you could go
There's lots of jobs you could do. May
not be the job you want, but everybody's
I mean, there's everywhere I go, there's
jobs available.
Get a job. Stop being lazy. That's part
of being a man. If you want to have a
family, you need to know how to work
even at a job you hate. even at a job
you don't want to do. You know, there's
a there's a movie um it's called Bagger
Vance. Okay, this is um an old Will
Smith movie from you know, I don't even
know how many years ago, the '9s. Um and
you know, if if if that dates me, then
you know, at least you know how old I
am. Um that's okay. But in this movie,
there's a line in this movie where um
uh I can't remember the guy's name, but
he's talking to this kid, and this kid
is is, you know, he's talking about how
his dad is, um he's the laughingtock of
the town because, you know, he's, you
know, pushing a broom and stuff like
that. And and he's doing this this job
that's beneath his dignity. And his
friends are laughing and mocking at him
because of of his dad. his dad is out
there pushing a broom and doing this
this job that um is is just beneath his
dignity and and his buddy his his friend
his friend's dad is is uh doesn't have a
job and he'd rather not have a job than
to do something beneath his dignity. And
um the the the older guy that's talking
to the kid, he turns to him and he says,
you know, just basically shut up. What
you're saying is stupid. you know,
you're you're not making any sense. He
said that, you know, your your friend's
dad is um
is too uh what's the word he used?
He's too uh
too proud or something like that. And um
but but he says, you know, your your
dad, he saw adversity and he fought it
back with a broom.
And that's that was such a powerful
statement and it's so true. You know, he
he didn't want to push a broom. He
didn't want to be the the janitor,
but he it was in it was in basically is
a time of of the uh the Great
Depression, I think, is the time frame
that it's talking about. And and instead
of instead of just giving up and instead
of of uh you know, just saying, "Oh,
well,"
he saw the problem and he fought against
it with a broom. He fought back with a
broom. And that's the way we need to be
is, you know, maybe you're not doing the
job you love,
but do the job that you can do.
Do, you know, fight fight back with a
broom. Do do the thing that needs to be
done to take care of your family.
So men, part of being the provider and
protector of your home is being willing
to do the servant's job. Being willing
to to take the job that you feel is
beneath you. Being willing to just have
a job
so that you can provide for your family.
That's part of being a servant, too,
right? being willing to work at a job
you hate just so you can take care of
your family. That's that's a godly man.
A godly man says, "Yep, I'll I'll be a
janitor."
That means providing for my family,
right? I'll I'll scrub toilets. I'll
clean floors.
I'll wash windows.
I'll wash dishes.
Right? The godly man says, "I'll do
whatever I need to do to take care of my
family." That's part of godliness.
And if if you're not willing to take
care of your own household, your your
religion is worthless,
right? That's I I don't have the
scripture reference for that. I I'm
sorry I didn't look it up ahead of time
to make sure it's in my notes. But
basically, if if you're if you're not
willing to provide for your family,
you're
you're worthless.
And so, don't be that guy. Headship is
about taking responsibility,
not control. Okay? Headship is about
being responsible for your family, doing
what's needed to
care for your family, to lead them, to
provide for them, to protect them, and
understanding the responsibility is on
you, not trying to pass it off on
somebody else. Well, but my wife won't
do this. I don't care what your wife
will and won't do. You're the man.
You're the husband. You're the father.
You need to do the job. If that means
taking a second job, take a second job.
Right? If it means doing a job you hate,
do the job you hate.
Don't pass the buck. Pass the blame on
somebody else. Take responsibility.
You're the head of the home. You're the
responsible one. If your marriage fails,
it's your fault. If your family falls
apart, it's your fault. If if you end up
broke and and living on the street,
that's your fault.
Don't blame somebody else. You're the
one responsible. You're the man. You're
the head of the house.
Okay.
Headship is about taking responsibility.
Um,
also if your leadership is heavy-handed,
if your leadership is cruel, if your if
your leadership is critical,
um, if your leadership is self-erving,
then you're not leading correctly.
You're not leading biblically. You're
doing it wrong.
Um,
true leadership is self-sacrificing
for the good of your wife and your
family.
Every day you need to ask yourself, "How
can I better serve my wife and my
family?
How can I make sure my wife feels loved
and valued?
How can I make sure my family feels safe
and protected and provided for?" Those
are the kinds of questions that a godly
man asks himself.
If you're a godly man, you're going to
say, "How can I love my wife better?"
You're not going to say, "Well,
I'm I'm doing a I'm doing an okay job.
She knows I love her. It's okay."
You're going to say, "How can I love her
better today than I did yesterday?"
That's that's that's what we should be
doing. And again, I'm I'm speaking to
myself as much as anybody. I fail at
this. I need to be doing a better job of
saying, "How can I love my wife better
today?"
And Amanda, if you're watching, um,
don't hold this against me because I
know I'm not the best at this. I want to
be better. I want to be better at at
saying, "How can I love you better today
than I did yesterday?"
Um,
if if your leadership does not speak
love to your wife, then you're not
leading well.
Because in leading her, she should be
receiving love from you.
The way you lead should be reflecting
love to her, should be showing love to
her, should be giving love to her. And
so if you're leading and she's not
receiving love from you in that, you're
not leading right.
All right. Now, here is the secret that
most men miss. Okay. This is this is
kind of the the big wrap up. So, hang in
there. If you if you stuck around this
long, that's awesome. You you made it to
uh the final point I'm going to make
today. And this is the secret that most
men miss and it's your wife doesn't need
your provision as much as she needs your
presence.
Okay? And and I want to I want to
explain this in scripture and I want you
to stick with me through this. Most men
focus on being the provider and they
forget about being the partner.
And this is this is a problem for most
men is they focus so much on providing
for their family and providing for their
wife that they forget to be the partner
that their wife needs. And I want to I
want to read to you something uh from
first Peter. I want you to listen
closely to what is written here. 1 Peter
chapter 3
and we're going to look at verse 7.
Husbands likewise dwell with them with
understanding, giving honor to the wife
as to the weaker vessel and as being
heirs together of the grace of life that
your prayers may not be hindered. Okay,
so this
this is this is really big. This is
really significant and this is a verse
that so many people overlook. So many
people don't talk about this when they
talk about the role of a husband, the
role of a of a godly man. This verse
gets overlooked.
And this is a huge deal because it says
if you don't do this, your prayers may
be hindered. So men, if you're not doing
this, it may be affecting your
relationship with God. It may be
affecting the effectiveness of your
prayers. That's how important this is.
Okay? And so it says to dwell with her
with understanding, giving honor to your
wife as the weaker vessel. Okay. So what
does it mean to dwell with her with
understanding? Okay. Um
it means you need to listen to her. You
need to understand her heart. You need
to know what she's going through. You
need to know what she's thinking about.
You need to understand your wife. You
need to have understanding towards her.
Um
and the and and we need to give honor to
them as the weaker vessel. What does the
weaker vessel mean? Um think about it
this way. Not weak as in less strong as
in like you know I'm strong. She's puny.
Think of it as in weaker as in more
fragile. More delicate. Well, she's the
the more delicate vessel. You know, I've
got my my cup here. It's stainless
steel. I can I can throw this, you know,
across the field and go pick it up and
it's fine. Your wife is a ceramic cup or
a glass cup. It's more fragile. You You
don't want to drop it. It's the ground.
It shatters into a million pieces. You
know, stainless steel, this is this is
rugged. This is manly. This is strong.
Women are fine china. They are uh you
know, they're delicate crystal.
They're they're not to be just tossed
around
and trampled on. They're not to be
dropped and kicked and and
uh abused, right? They're supposed to be
you're supposed to be gentle with them.
You you care for them. You nurture them.
And so when you think about women as the
weaker vessel, think about
women as the more
um as a more fragile vessel. Okay? I
think that's a better way to translate
this is that the woman is the more
fragile vessel.
And so if she's the more fragile, then
that means that you need to be more
gentle with her. You need to be more
kind with her. You need to more
compassionate with her. Um and so that's
that's what we see here is he's saying
that honor your wife as the more fragile
vessel. Be compassionate and kind and
gentle with her. When you speak to your
wife, speak gently with her. Speak
kindly to her. Okay? Don't be harsh with
her. Don't be critical with her. Don't
be abusing her. Don't be mistreating
her. Don't be yelling at her.
Uh, you know, you can't talk to your
wife the way you talk to
another guy, right? You need to talk to
your wife with with kindness and
compassion and gentleness.
Um and it says to understand her
and through understanding her you need
to honor her as the weaker vessel. So
you you come to her and you are trying
to understand what she's going through
and you have compassion and you have
empathy
and you are seeking to understand her.
You're seeking to know what she's going
through. Seeking to understand so that
you can better um be the husband she
needs you to be. so that you can love
her the way she needs to be loved. And
so if you're able to listen and give her
your attention and just hear what she's
trying to say, that would mean so much
to so many wives. Because that's that's
the complaint so many wives have is my
husband just doesn't listen to me.
You know, I I talk to him and I feel
like he's he's never paying attention. I
feel like he's it's in one ear and out
the other. um
just listen, learn how to listen and and
to hear what she's saying and actually
understand her
so that you can you can see what do I
need to do? How can I how can I be a
better husband? Well, one way you can be
a better husband is just by starting
with understanding where your wife's at
and knowing what she needs.
You know, she says, "Oh man, my back
hurts." Well, you know, first thing you
could say is, "Well, hey, you want a
back rub?" Right.
Oh, my feet hurt. Yeah. You want you
want you want me to massage your feet?
Okay, that's that's an easy one.
But, you know, but then, you know, she
says, "Well, I had a rough day at work,
man. my boss did this and that and and
you know the customers write me out and
complained and and I just feel like a
failure. I feel like I've I'm just
Okay. Well, what do you do? Okay. Well,
you you've heard a lot of negative
things at work today. I think you need
some positive reinforcement. You need
some encouragement. You need some uh you
know, somebody to come along and and to
pick you up and to tell you how much
value you actually have.
And so the husband will come in and and
say, "You know what? I know you had a
rough day. I want to I want to make sure
your day gets better now that you're
home."
Um or, you know, I had a rough day at
home with the kids. You know, she
doesn't work. She's a stay at home mom,
but man, the kids have been wearing her
down all day. They've been nagging and
griping and complaining and fighting
with each other and yelling and
screaming and she's at her wits end and
she's falling apart. And you say, "You
know what, honey? Why don't you go uh
you know go out by yourself and go get
your hair done or go shopping or go do
something you enjoy and I'll take care
of the kids for a little bit. You just
go have some alone time or hey honey um
why don't you, you know, run yourself a
hot bath and relax. I'll take the kids
and we'll go I'll take the kids to the
park or you know get them out of the
house for a little bit so you can have
some quiet time. you you can read a
book, relax, enjoy your hot bath, you
know, something like whatever whatever
she would enjoy doing and just say,
"Hey, I want to help you. I want to help
you de-stress. I want to help you um you
know, you you've had a rough day for
whatever reason. I want to help you have
a better day." Or maybe um you know,
something bad happens and and she's you
know, she just needs somebody to spend
time with and you say, "You know what? I
had plans tonight. I'm going to cancel
my plans and I'm just going to spend the
night with you. I'm going to just you
and me. We'll, you know, we'll have a
nice dinner. I'll cook and uh, you know,
we'll we'll watch a movie or something,
hang out on the couch, relax, cuddle,
uh, spend some time together. You tell
me. You know, we we'll talk and and
connect and bond and forget about the
bad day you had. You know, there's all
kinds of things you could do, but you
have to listen first person, know where
she's at, what she's dealing with, so
that you know how to to minister to her
because that's that's ministering to
your wife when you know her needs and
you can help her
um
overcome those needs. You can help her
get past the bad day. You can help her
deal with the the difficult situation.
you can help her, you can encourage her
when she's discouraged,
that's ministry. You're ministering to
your your wife in those things. But to
minister to her effectively, to to be
able to to shepherd her correctly and
effectively, you have to be able to
understand what she's going through. And
the only way to understand what she's
going through is to actually listen and
to pay attention. Um, it's not, you
know, just sitting there nodding your
head while you're staring at your phone.
You know, you you're doing this. Uh-huh.
Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. What? She knows
you're not paying attention.
You can't do that. Give her your
attention.
But whatever, you know, turn off
Facebook or stop scrolling through your
emails or, you know, whatever you're
doing and actually just give your wife
some attention and listen to what she's
saying.
It'll mean a lot to her and it'll
actually help you be a better husband.
Um,
and so seeking to understand her. That's
what what this verse is saying, right?
Husbands, dwell with them with
understanding.
So dwell with them, right? Being
together with them, partnering with
them, sharing life together, doing life
together and also understanding
being being understanding of her,
knowing where she's at, what she's going
through, and how to help her.
giving honor to her, right? Honoring her
with your time, honoring her with your
um giving her by giving her your
attention, by giving her your undivided
attention. You were honoring her
uh by listening to her, you honoring her
and and as you would because she's the
weaker vessel, because she's the more
fragile vessel. treating her like fine
china. Treating her like a valuable
crystal
uh glasswware, you know, something like
a masa crystal wear, something very
valuable. Understanding that this is she
is a very valuable treasure in your life
because he who finds a wife finds a good
thing. If you have a wife, you're
blessed by God. Take care of that wife.
He has entrusted her to you. He has
blessed you with her. Um, you are a
steward of this this marriage God has
has given her to you as a blessing. Are
you
managing it well? Are you stewarding it
well? Are you guarding and protecting it
like a treasure? Are you treasuring your
wife?
Okay. Um, here's, you know, let men just
I want your undivided attention for just
a second, right? We're almost done,
right? And I know we're we're getting
long, but I want you to pay attention to
this. Um, your wife doesn't need a
perfect man.
Everybody knows there's no such thing as
a perfect man.
Men, perfect men don't exist. And women,
if you're looking for a perfect man,
they're there's not such a thing. Yeshua
is the only perfect man. And he's not
available, right? But she needs a man
who's going to be faithful. A man she
knows is going to be there for her. A
man she knows is committed. A man that
she knows she can rely on and depend on.
A man that she knows will listen to her
and empathize with her and be
compassionate towards her. A man that
she knows she can trust with her heart.
That's what a woman what women want.
That's what women need. That's what your
wife wants from you. Someone she can
depend on. Someone she knows she can
trust. Someone she knows who is
faithful.
Someone who she knows cares and has got
her back. Someone she can trust with her
heart. Someone she can trust with her
secrets. Someone she can trust with her
pains and her fears and her doubts.
You need to be that guy.
Okay?
And so I I just want to encourage men.
We're wrapping up. I just want to
encourage you men that you need to lead
your wife. Okay? Remember, we got to we
got to be spiritual leaders. We got to
be godly men before we can be godly
husbands. So lead them in lead your wife
and your family in prayer. Lead them in
Bible study. Lead them in walking with
the Lord. Show them how to walk in the
Lord. Lead by example. Lead by service
and love her sacrificially. being
willing to give up your desires, your
wants, the things that you, you know,
the the things in your life. Prioritize
her above your own wants and needs and
desires. Make her your priority. Make
her special in your life. Um, you know,
that I want I need to clarify. She's not
the highest priority in your life. God
should be the highest priority in your
life. But then your wife is right there
as a close second. And she needs to be a
priority over your job. She needs to be
a priority over your children. She needs
to be a priority over your hobbies. She
needs to be a priority over all of your
wants and desires.
Okay? She even takes priority over your
personal ministry.
She needs to be a priority in your life.
Making making sure that loving her is a
priority in your life. Caring for her is
a priority because she is a treasure
that God has given you.
And um so you sacrifice you sacrifice
your wants and needs to spend time with
her and to love her. It doesn't mean you
always have to, you know, you you never
get to do the thing you want, but make
sure you you prioritize and you you give
her the time and attention she needs
and spend time with her seeking to
understand her,
treating her like a like a delicate,
valuable jewel, the treasure that she
is,
and make loving her a priority in your
life. Okay? That's what a godly man
looks like. And um wives,
if your husband's not that, pray for him
and show him this video. Maybe this
maybe this will say something to him to
get his attention. Um
but husbands, you need to you need to
step up. You need to be the men God has
created you to be.
Um, and just remember your wife
um
your wife is
she doesn't need your provision as much
as she needs your presence. Okay, I just
want to say that again. Your presence in
her life is more important. And you
know, there have been times in my life
when when
I'm I'm speaking from personal
experience here, when my wife has been
jealous of my time that I spend with
ministry or the time that I spend with
other people or the time that I spend
doing my own thing. She's made those
statements to me. I'm She said, I'm I'm
jealous of the time you give to this and
not to me. And that
that that's something that I don't want.
I don't want that. I don't want her to
be jealous of my ministry. I don't want
her to be jealous of the church. I don't
want her to be jealous of the time I
spend with other people.
So, I want to make sure I give her the
time and attention she needs. And
Amanda, if you're watching, I you know,
I just want to again apologize for the
times that I fall short, for the times
that I've not been the godly husband
that I'm supposed to be. for the times
when I didn't spend time with you when I
should have, the times that I didn't
prioritize time with you when I should
have.
And so, um, man, I I just want to
encourage you, uh, make loving your wife
a priority in your life.
All right. Um, I am not going to give a
teaser for next week because I actually
have no idea what I'm talking about next
week. Um, so it'll be a surprise to both
of us. So, come back next week and we'll
both be surprised.
All right, thank you guys for joining
and uh I'll talk to you next week. Thank
you for joining me on Let's Talk
Biblical. If you enjoyed this episode,
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And I look forward to chatting with you
again next week. Until next time, keep
talking biblical. Shalom.