How to be A Virtuous Woman

Transcript imported from the captions supplied for this teaching.

Kind: captions
Language: en
"Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil All the days
of her life."
The story of Esther gives us an example of
what it means to be a wife of noble character,
but it also shows us the importance of gender
roles in the family.
We have a tale of two wives, and as we look
at their story, we will see why the first
was removed from her position as queen, and
why the second was more worthy than the first.
What do the actions of these two women teach
us about marriage and gender roles?
Are these simply archaic formalities that
no longer apply, or do they provide us with
principles that can translate into our current
time and culture?
Why was Vashti rejected by her King?
The book of Esther begins by telling us about
a royal celebration, during which King Ahasuerus
requested that Queen Vashti come to join his
celebration.
The King was surrounded by many people, which
made the Queen's response that much worse.
“But Queen Vashti refused to come at the
king's command brought by his eunuchs; therefore
the king was furious, and his anger burned
within him…
Queen Vashti has not only wronged the king,
but also all the princes, and all the people
who are in all the provinces of King Ahasuerus.
For the queen's behavior will become known
to all women, so that they will despise their
husbands in their eyes…
Thus there will be excessive contempt and
wrath…”
Not only did Vashti show disrespect to her
husband and embarrass him in front of other
people, she also set a bad example for all
the other women in the Kingdom.
It is even possible that her actions toward
her husband could have caused other women
to begin showing disrespect to their own husbands.
In today's society, it is very common to see
this type of dishonor.
I have personally witnessed women who publicly
treat their husbands with disrespect.
They seem to have no problem with embarrassing
their husbands, putting them down, arguing
with them, and usurping their authority in
front of others.
We also see this type of behavior on tv shows
and movies regularly.
Husbands and fathers are treated with disrespect
by their own wife and children.
This behavior is disgraceful and should be
treated as unacceptable, yet it has become
quite commonplace in our society.
Some people will argue that Vashti had the
right to do what she did, and that the King
was the one who reacted poorly.
Others might simply wonder why her behavior
was looked down upon.
I know that in the western world, women have
come to think of this type of behavior as
normal and acceptable.
However, just because a certain thing is accepted
by the world does not make it acceptable to
God.
So, why were the actions of Vashti so bad?
The Bible teaches that the man is to be the
head of the household, and as such, he should
be treated with love, kindness, honor, and
respect, and a woman who dishonors her husband
dishonors her own head.
“But I want you to know that the head of
every man is Christ, the head of woman is
man… every woman who prays or prophesies
with her head uncovered dishonors her head,
for that is one and the same as if her head
were shaved.
For if a woman is not covered, let her also
be shorn.
But if it is shameful for a woman to be shorn
or shaved, let her be covered.”
I don't want to get into the physical application
of head coverings in this teaching, but I
do want to talk about the spiritual application
of it.
Paul mentioned head coverings, and people
often look only at the physical application
and miss the spiritual.
However, Paul is making a very important statement
with deep spiritual implications.
When a woman covers her head, she is treating
her head with honor, and protecting it from
others.
This is what happens when she treats her husband
with honor and respect, it is like covering
her own head.
However, when she publicly embarrasses and
humiliates him, she is uncovering her head,
bringing dishonor and shame upon her own head.
According to Paul, this woman might as well
shave her head, because she is not giving
it the proper honor it deserves.
A woman should honor her husband like she
would her own head.
Vashti usurped God's created order in the
family.
The Bible tells us that man is to be the head,
and woman is to be the helper.
Being a helper means the woman helps the man
be the head.
When a woman undermines the man's authority,
she is dethroning him and reversing the order
that God has established.
It is interesting that the book of Esther
implies that the actions of this one woman
could potentially cause other women in the
kingdom to do the same thing in their own
homes, thus causing the societal norm to change
concerning gender roles.
"For the queen's behavior will become known
to all women, so that they will despise their
husbands in their eyes"
Was this fear warranted?
How significant was this single act of defiance?
What would have been the result if the king
had done nothing about Vashti's behavior?
I believe we can get a pretty good idea from
looking at the state of our world today, because
I think it has followed the pattern of Vashti.
Vashti removed the crown from her own head.
Vashti was stripped of the honor of being
queen, because she dishonored her king and
usurped his role as head of the household,
and the result was that she could no longer
be the queen.
When a woman steps out of her role as a helper,
and usurps the established order of creation,
she is undermining her own function in the
house.
She is no longer fulfilling her role as the
queen of her home.
She is removing herself from the honor that
was bestowed upon her by God.
As the Queen, Vashti should have submitted
to her husband's request, but she dishonored
her head.
Paul wrote about this type of submission,
but his words are often misunderstood.
Some people think this type of submission
is cultural, and no longer applies today,
while others seem to think that Paul was a
chauvinist.
However, I believe his words are as significant
today as they were in the first century.
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to
the Lord.
For the husband is head of the wife, as also
Christ is head of the church; and He is the
Savior of the body.
Therefore, just as the church is subject to
Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands
in everything…
let each one of you in particular so love
his own wife as himself, and let the wife
see that she respects her husband.”
The Bible often refers to us as the bride
of Messiah.
Should we treat Him with the type of dishonor,
shame, and public humiliation that Vashti
did to her king?
God forbid!
If we treat our King like that, He will do
the same thing that Ahasuerus did to Vashti.
God wants a bride who will honor His commands,
and treat Him the way a King should be treated.
When we disobey the commands of God, we are
acting like Vashti.
But when we honor the commandments of our
King, we are acting like a noble Queen.
So, how was Esther different?
After Vashti was dismissed from her role as
Queen, the king looked for a woman to replace
her.
The king called for all of the eligible young
women in Persia to come and present themselves
to the king, so that he might find one who
is worthy to be his Queen.
All of the women went through a year of beauty
treatments, training, and various other preparations
before they met the king.
Then the women were allowed to take whatever
they wanted from the women's quarters to the
king's palace, but it seems that Esther was
very wise with her choice.
We do not know what she took, but we know
that she sought advice from the King's eunuch.
“Now when the turn came for Esther the daughter
of Abihail the uncle of Mordecai, who had
taken her as his daughter, to go in to the
king, she requested nothing but what Hegai
the king's eunuch, the custodian of the women,
advised.
And Esther obtained favor in the sight of
all who saw her…
The king loved Esther more than all the other
women, and she obtained grace and favor in
his sight more than all the virgins; so he
set the royal crown upon her head and made
her queen instead of Vashti.”
Many people think the other women adorned
themselves with lavish amounts of jewelry
and clothing, while Esther chose something
more conservative and modest.
We cannot be certain, but it does make you
wonder, since it seems that it might have
been part of the reason why the king chose
her over the others.
It was not merely the outward adornment and
humility that caused Esther to stand out among
the other women, but she also adorned herself
inwardly with incorruptible beauty.
This is what Peter wrote about concerning
this type of humble and modest adornment,
which is given by example from the noble women
of God.
“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your
own husbands, that even if some do not obey
the word, they, without a word, may be won
by the conduct of their wives, when they observe
your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging
the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine
apparel-- rather let it be the hidden person
of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty
of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very
precious in the sight of God.
For in this manner, in former times, the holy
women who trusted in God also adorned themselves,
being submissive to their own husbands, as
Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose
daughters you are if you do good and are not
afraid with any terror.”
Women often object to being submissive to
their husband, claiming that "he is not a
believer", or that "he is not a good leader",
or that "he is not worthy of respect".
However, Peter explains that a woman who follows
her assignment correctly has the potential
to change the direction of her husband.
The good conduct of a wife can cause her husband
to become a better man, likewise, the bad
conduct of a wife can cause her husband to
become a lesser man.
This is how a woman should adorn herself.
We can see that Esther was raised in a home
that understood the created order in the family.
The Bible tells us that she was brought up
understanding that the man is the head of
the house, and that she always obeyed Mordecai.
“for Esther obeyed the command of Mordecai
as when she was brought up by him.”
This is very significant, because this is
the one quality that Esther had that stood
in direct contrast with Vashti.
They were both beautiful to the eyes, but
Esther had qualities and inward beauty that
put Vashti to shame.
This triumphant inward beauty is described
in Proverbs 31.
”Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her: "Many
daughters have done well, But you excel them
all."
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall
be praised.”
You have probably heard the expression, "Behind
every great man is a great woman", which is
used to imply that a wife or mother played
an important role in the man's success.
I love this quote, because it illustrates
how important it is for a man to have a woman
in his life who is fulfilling her function
in the family.
It is not only important for your husband
that you fill your role as a woman, it is
also important for your children.
Men need wives and children need mothers,
and this important task was assigned to women.
Do not despise the calling and responsibility
that God has placed on you as a woman.
Your role in the family is invaluable.
Paul explains that God is the head of man,
and man is the head of his wife.
This structure shows a very interesting chain
of trust.
In the proper order, the man trusts God, which
allows the wife to trust God working through
her husband.
However, when it is out of order the chain
of trust is broken.
When the woman steps out of order and tries
to be the head, it ultimately shows a lack
of trust in God.
She is showing that she does not trust God’s
order, nor does she trust God to work through
her husband.
A noble and godly wife will give God the opportunity
to lead her husband.
She will pray for him to be a man who listens
to God and follows His instructions.
She understands that her husband is not perfect,
and even though he makes mistakes, she trusts
that God will lead him in the right direction.
What can we learn from Esther about being
a noble Queen?
First: She covered her head.
She did not undermine his authority.
A noble wife never does anything that would
cause her husband harm or shame.
She helps him fulfill his role as the head,
and her husband will trust her because of
it.
Second: She supported her head.
When a plot to kill the king was discovered,
she warned him about it.
A noble wife is one who cares for the well
being of her husband, and her husband will
love her because of it.
Third: She crowned her head.
She honored the king with a banquet.
A noble wife always makes sure that she treats
her king as the honored guest, and her husband
will honor and respect her in return.
Fourth: She empowered her head.
When Haman was trying to kill the Jewish people,
Esther went to her king for protection.
A noble wife allows her king to keep her safe,
and her husband will rise to the occasion
when she needs his help.
"Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil All the days
of her life."
When a wife loves her head (covers, supports,
crowns, and empowers her husband), he knows
that he can trust her, and he will treasure
her all the days of his life.
The Bible explains that this type of wife
is hard to find, but is so precious and valuable
when she is found.
Her inward beauty will last even if her outward
beauty fades away.
A noble wife and mother is invaluable to her
family.
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
But she who causes shame is like rottenness
in his bones.”
A noble wife has the ability to transform
a man into
a king.